d.: What are you doing, Cal.E.?
C.: Well, I WAS trying to do my morning Tai Chi exercises, before I was so rudely interrupted!
.d.: I'm sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt your morning routine.
C.: It's okay, d.c. You probably kept me from going back to sleep. I do these exercises to calm me, since I can no longer have catnip, and trazodone is NOT as good as catnip!
d.: Do these exercises work for you? C.: Better than anything I have ever done. They work so well that I usually go back to sleep while I am doing them. What was so important, though, that you had to interrupt my morning routine?
d.: I was just going to wish you a Merry Christmas and ask what you wanted to eat on Christmas Day. I must go to the market today to get the food I am serving for Christmas dinner. Your mom and dad won't be back until after Christmas, so you will be celebrating Christmas, and maybe New Years with my family and me.
C.: I could really appreciate some delicacies, like filet mignon or caviar.
d.:" I thought you did not like foods like those. You complained about them when we fed them to you when you were in rehab. What changed your mind about these foods? C.: I tasted some dead cow when I was in rehab. I was VERY hungry, because I had not eaten for several days. Dead cow and fish eggs are both better than I ever thought they would be. I would like my steak fresh and raw, though. Just knock the horns off the steer, wipe off the dirt and poop, and put it on my plate.
d.: This is not a ranch. I don't have cattle to slaughter. I live in a neighborhood. I do NOT think my HOA would appreciate me keeping bovines in my small yard. AND, I cook all my beef medium. If you want yours rare, you and my oldest son need to tell me when to stop cooking y'alls'
C.: So, were ARE having filet mignon for Christmas dinner? Yum. But what about the caviar? I really like raw fish eggs!
d.: I think that I can afford one or the other for Christmas dinner, but not both. I do NOT like caviar. Since I am cooking, we will have filet mignon, if that is okay with you.
C.: Okay, d.c. Whatever you say. This IS your house, and I am a guest. I will not demand that you feed me fish eggs if you will just give me my favorite dessert.
d.: What is it?
C.: Catnip!
d.: Do you need to go back into rehab?
C.: Well, the food WOULD be better...
d.: If that is what you want, Cal.E. That can be arranged!
C.: NO, d.c. I will just make do with the humble dinner you are offering me for what could be my LAST Christmas dinner (heavy sigh).
d.: Okay, Cal.E. If you don't want filet mignon, maybe you could hunt for something to eat, like a rat or a mouse or a snake, even.
C.: I will eat the dead cow. I am out of shape for hunting, and I developed a taste for fine foods while I was in rehab.
d.: OKay, Cal.E. I will get you a steak and set a place at the table for you for Christmas dinner. Just try to be good. My middle son is on leave from the Army. He will be here for Christmas, so try not to cause a disturbance.
C.: Okay, d.c. I will just try to be myself, then.
d.: PLEASE don't. Be someone good! C.: But you always say that identity theft is wrong, d.c. Who should I try to be?
d.: The best version of yourself.
C.: I ALWAYS am! Now, if you will excuse me, I must do the rest of my exercises.
To all the brave men and women in the armed services (past and present), who give up their time (and sometimes their lives) so that the rest of us can have peace at this (and every) time of year, THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE! We wish you a merry Christmas and happy New Year, from Ca.E. Kat and d.c. scot
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