We’re the Houston Astros, Houston Astros, Houston Astros number one 2,3,4
d.: Go home Yankees fans, go home (all of you!) Go home Yankees fans, go home (all of you!)
C.: What are you doing, d.c.?
d.: I am celebrating the Astros’ series victory over the lying, cheating, self-righteous New York Yankees! This bodes well for a possible second straight World Series appearance for the home team.
C.: Mhmm, Mhmm. Did you see all the games?
d.: No. The only game I saw in person was the gem that Justin Verlander pitched in Yankee’s stadium when my wife, my son, and I got stuck in NYC for two days. We purchased the last two tickets to that game that were available to the public. The tickets were in the Audi club, a protected, air-conditioned suite that offered a delicious buffet as part of the price of the tickets, as well as non-alcoholic drinks. It was a once-in-a-lifetime deal, as the ticket prices indicated. That game was one day before three Astros pitchers combined to no-hit the Yankees on their own hallowed grounds.
C.: Oh, yes, I remember you telling me about that now! Was that the game when the fans were making lewd comments about a man who is well known in Houston for going out into the community and helping the underprivileged, Jose Altuve?
d.: Yes, Cal.E. That was the game. As my son and I boarded the subway to go back to the hotel, there was a lewd chant started about the Astros most beloved player, who has been exonerated of cheating by those who kept statistics on such things. However as “Mr. October,” Reggie Jackson once said, “No one boos a nobody!”
C.: Mr. Who now?
d.: Mr. October, Reggie Jackson! You don’t know who that is?
C.: No, maybe you should elaborate.
d.: Reggie Jackson, ak.a. “Mr. October,” played for my now two least favorite pro baseball teams, the Oakland Athletics (then known as the A’s) as well as the Baltimore Orioles. He was my favorite player as a teenager, so I felt I must root for the teams whose roster he graced.
C.: Why was that, d.c.?
d.: Because Reggie Jackson still holds the record for most consecutive homeruns in a World Series game at three (on a mere three swings and four pitches). This feat virtually assured R-E-G-G-I-E a place in the most hallowed Hall of Fame, even though he ranks in the top twenty in number of career strikeouts, along with the player many consider the greatest of all time, Babe Ruth. Ruth was the first player to be able to both pitch and hit on an elite level, much like the L.A. Angels of Anaheim modern day star Shohei Ohtani.
C.: Okay, d.c., thanks for the history lesson. It is nice to be able to hear it straight from someone who is old enough to remember ancient history!
Last year, you said that Jim Crane should not accept the World Series trophy from the commissioner, because of how he handled the cheating scandal involving the Astros (which we now know involved the Yankees and the Boston Red Sox as well). Now that it has come to light that he tried to help the Yankees hide the fact that they cheated, by sending their warning in a sealed envelope that he tried to keep sealed. Do you still feel the same way, after a court ruled that the envelope must be unsealed, over the commissioner’s objections?
d.: Actually, no. I think that he should send Dusty Baker to accept the trophy, since he will probably retire after he wins a trophy as a manger to go along with the World Series trophy he won as a player, I have taken the liberty of preparing a speech for him in case this DOES happen.
C.: I hesitate to ask, but maybe you should run it by me first.
d.; Glady. “Today, (today, today…) I consider myself the luckiest man on the face of the Earth. I have been involved in Major league Baseball since I was nineteen years old, and never have I seen a worse excuse for a human being in my seventy-three years on this planet. You, sir, are a disgrace to the human race! From this day forward, I am retired from MLB. Further, Rob (you are NOT a ) Man,Fred, you should be fired and given a lifetime ban from this sport (Mic drop, exit stage left as Dusty picks up the trophy) Adios…”
C.: That’s all the time we have for today, folks. Tune in tomorrow, when d.c. will let down his inhibitions and lets us know how he REALLY feels about his favorite team and his favorite person of all time! (hehe)
Ca.E. Kat
For
Commissioner of Major League Baseball
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