C.: d.c. called and said he would be late. He said that since he has a day off from work and it is a day that ends in “y” he had a doctor’s appointment. When he got to the doctor’s office, someone had taken his reserved space, so he had to find another one. Finding a parking space for a full-sized truck can be difficult, so he was late for his appointment. So, someone else got in ahead of him, and that person was transferred to the E.R. That took up a lot of time.
While I am waiting on d.c. to call, I will think of some mind-clearing questions, like: “Can an affect have an effective effect on another affect? And why do so many English words have more than one meaning? For instance, the word ‘principle.’ One may say that he or she will not borrow money on principle. Or a bank may desire for its customer to pay off the principal on a loan slowly, because it is not the principle of the loan that the bank is principally interested in. It is the interest that the bank is principally interested in.
“Also, how does one know when s/he is exactly in the middle of the woods? Is there a sign that says, ‘you are now leaving the woods?’ And, if one must special order a stick shift transmission on a new vehicle, why is it called a "standard transmission?"
While Cal.E. is contemplating the great mysteries of life, we will take you to an alternate universe, to planet HTRAE…
And now in sports news, it was time to play the Major League Baseball All-Star game last night. During the seventh inning stretch, players from the Los Angeles Dodgers, New York Yankees, the Boston Red Sox, and the Houston Astros joined hands and sang “Cum-Ba-Yaa.” The players then shook hands, exchanged fist bumps, and hugged each other until the umpires demanded that the game resume. The players, however, insisted that the commissioner of Major League Baseball join them in singing “Take Me Out to the Ballgame” before the game resumed. Each of the Astros’ players then gave the commissioner a long embrace. The hugs were so forceful that the commissioner was sent to the local E.R. He is on life support but is expected to survive (unfortunately).
In other news, the "Head Cat" continues to urge citizens of this planet to ride horses instead of in cars. This mandate is supposed to keep the planet from running out of fossil fuels and curtail the growth of the hole in the ozone. However, since his mandate, the hole in the ozone has grown exponentially since methane gas is much more harmful than almost anything else to the ozone. Citizens, however, are insistent on following their leader’s direction, despite evidence that his mandate is harmful to the environment.
WE INTERRUPT THIS PROGRAM DUE TO TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES. THIS STATION’S NEWS ANCHOR IS BEING TRANSFERRED TO A PLACE WHERE HIS INFLUENCE CAN NO LONGER BE FELT (NOR WILL HE BE ABLE TO FEEL HIS LIMBS AFTER BEING EXPOSED TO THE HARSH ELEMENTS OF THE PLACE HE IS BEING SENT). PLEASE IGNORE TODAY’S NEWS REPORT (EXCEPT THE REPORT ON SPORTS, WHICH WAS ACCURATE, BUT THE REST OF THE REPORT WAS A PURE FABRICATION THAT WAS NOT APPROVED BY THIS STATION’S MANAGER OR THE SUPREME RULER OF THE UNIVERSE, WHOM YOU (SUPPOSEDLY) ELECTED IN THE LAST ELECTION. THAT IS ALL!
Elac: What a nice man! I will look in the paper to see if I can answer the trivia questions before I begin working today. What an easy one that is- another word for a synonym is… Oh, look! One of the humans that works for Dr. Bones, D.C. Scott is giving away a copy of his book “Precision; A Crime of Passion” to the first five people who can answer his question. All those five people must do is pay shipping and handling charges. It is a two-part question, though. Let’s see, “What two things do the states California, New Jersey, Illinois, and New York have in common? And what two things do the state of Texas and Washington have in common? These are intriguing questions!
I must continue working, though, since I do not want to disappoint my esteemed colleague, Dr. Buddy Bones. We are trying to invent an alternate source of energy and save the ozone. I must get busy with the math calculations so that we can finish this
quickly. Doctor Bones! It is so nice to see you.
B.B.: What do you call a highly intelligent dog that is always late for work? DR. BUDDY BONES!! (HAHA!)
E: Oh, Dr. Bones, don’t be so hard on yourself. You were probably out trying to save the lives of orphaned puppies and kittens all night. That is why you probably overslept and were late for work!
B.B.: Guilty as charged, your honor. It is so sad that I could not save them all! I did procure housing for fifty pups and 25 adorable kittens, but it is NOT enough!
E.: Oh, stop. You did the best you could. Now, I must return to my work so that we will be on time with our invention, a perpetual motion machine. Now, let’s see, the square root of pi multiplied by google is…
B.B.: (When that irritating cat gets her math calculations correct, I will push her out in front of a group of catfishers going to work, like I did her husband, Mot. She will die as certainly as he did after being trampled by those four hundred animals! He was trying to warn them about the monsoon I created to corner the market on fish. I could not let that happen. I must also be careful of her fourteen kittens. One or two of them may have inherited his or her Mon’s intelligence and be able to figure out my scheme. That CANNOT happen!)
E.: Dr. Bones?! So, it is okay for me to take the next three months off to attend to my sick kittens’ needs? You are a prince! We can finish our calculations then! I will see you in three months!
B.B.: (heavy sigh).
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