And in other news, our brilliant president is mandating that the largest manufacturer of baby formula return to making baby formula, even before the Food and Drug Administration has cleared the plant of having any more bacteria in it. This will end the baby formula shortage, I'm sure, one way or another! That's the news, and I am Ben Dunn. (Now I must go see my dad, Ben Dunn Before)
d.: I wonder how Cal.E. is doing now that she had to return to work. She was so tired after her trips to Denver and Canada that The Kennel gave her three days. off. Now, she must return to work and do her old job until The Kennel finds three workers to replace her. I will call her and make sure that she is doing well. (RIng)
C.: Hello? d.c, is that you? d.: Yes, Cal.E., it is me, how are you doing after turning to work to do your old job? C.: I feel good! Working with one's hands is a good way to pass time quickly. AND I am the highest paid pooper scooper in the world!
d.: So, why don't you bring some catnip over to my house, and we can watch the Astros' game tonight. They are playing the Rangers, my second favorite MLB team.
C.: That's a good idea. I think that the east coast "business cartel" that controls major league baseball may let the Astros win the World Series this year.
d.: ???
C.: When I first came to Earth, your favorite team was playing in the World Series. The Yankee's Hall of Fame second baseman had spit on an umpire earlier in the season. Which team do you think won the World Series?
d.: I remember that! If I had not just bought a house, I would have bet against the Yankees! I do not usually bet on things I cannot control, but that WAS a pretty sure thing. I will go on record right now and say that I am also reasonably sure that the Yankees will NOT win the World Series this year, either, even though that team has the best record in MLB. Rob (he is NOT a)Man, Fred would have egg all over his face if the Yankees won the World Series after he tried to have that letter sealed permanently that implicated the Yankees in a sign-stealing scheme.
C.: Yes, and if I had money (and could speak back then) I would have bet against them, too. You said that you do not bet on things you cannot control. Do you gamble at all, d.c.?
d.: Life is a gamble, Cal.E. We face challenges every day that could threaten our lives. That is especially true for the two of us because of where we work. I don't play the lottery, as a rule. I regard it as a "stupidity tax," but it IS voluntary, unlike other taxes. I do know people who have fed numbers into a computer program and won SOME money on the lottery, but none won the whole pot. If those people sat down and figured out how much time, effort, and money they put into trying to win minor amounts of money, they would stop doing it.
C.: Do you gamble on anything, d.c.?
d.: I was an above average poker player when I was in college and my early twenties. I could earn "laundry and entertainment money." I won't give away my system, but suffice it to say, observation is the key to winning in poker.
C.: Because everyone has a tell?
d..: Yes, Cal.E. that is true. Some are better at hiding it than others. In the U.S., we call those people "politicians." Cal.E., do you know what the largest oxymoron in the English language is?
C.: "Good dog?" "Bad Cat or food?"
d.: No to all of the above, and we know that the last one is NOT an oxymoron from your experience in Denver. No, the largest oxymoron in the English language is "honest politician."
C.: Okay. Besides an occasional friendly game of poker, do you gamble on anything else, d.c.?
d.: When I was in college, I was decent at playing pool. One girl I briefly dated, though, was better than anyone else on campus. We would go to pool halls and observe the competition for a few games. She would then decide which one of us would play which other pool player. Back then, most young men thought that losing to a girl in a game of pool was an insult to their masculinity. One guy got so mad that he threw his pool cew on the table and walked away before taking a shot. He knew that Leigh was going to "run the table" on him, and he did not care to watch.
C.: So, everyone knew who this girl was, then?
d.: They found out quickly. It was a small town, and she was...noticeable. I will leave it at that. We went to different pool halls after guys were refusing to play her, but there were only three within driving distance. No one cared to play her after a while. That fizzled out, and we did not have a lot else in common, although she was a nice girl.
C.: So, that ended the free ride of playing pool, huh?
d.: Yes. You need to get ready for tonight. I have a feeling that the Astros will win!
C.: They should. They have some good new players. I am glad that egg guy is okay.
d: Egg guy?
C.: Yes, the pitcher, Jake Over Easy. Then, the Astros have that REALLY smart rookie center fielder, Hey Siri. He knows everything! And that musical guy, Jazz McCormick is pretty good, too. We still miss the outfielder who could jump so high, though. Big George was awesome!
d.: Oh boy. The pitcher is Jake Odorrizzi, and he is going to be okay. He has been pitching well lately. The rookie center fielder is Jose Siri, not Hey Siri. He did not shorten his first name. Hey Siri is a computer program. Chas McCormick (short for Charles) IS doing well this year, but we DO miss Mr. November, George Springer. He was the MVP of the first World Series ever to run into November. Just find your Astros' gear and come over about six thirty. We can watch the pregame show on Apple TV tonight.
C.: Will do, d.c. I will see you then, but I did want to ask you one more question. What do you think of MLB's steroid scandal?
d.: THAT is a story for another day, Cal.E.
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