Cal.e.'s Korner

Okay, T, since you won the Knowledge of Ornithology contest, you get to decide if you will be introduced to the audience first or last. You also get your choice of corners to sit in between rounds.

Tux: Well.. I’ll take the corner opposite the door. That way I’ll be the first one to see if we’re being raided by animal control I also think that being introduced last is an advantage because it is more intimidating than being introduced first.

Very Well

Later that same day…

Ladies and gentlemen, nonbinary individuals, and animals of all descriptions…Let’s get ready to RUUUUMBLE!

Tonight, coming to you live form Buddy Bones Memorial Stadium, we have, for your entertainment, a Texas Cage Grudge Match for the World Association of Cat fighting and Knowledge of Ornithology middle-weight cat fighting championship of the world.

In the orange corner, weighing in at exactly twenty pounds, the current champion of the WACKO middle weight cat fighting champion of the world, THE ORIGINAL TRIPLE T, TOM THE TABBY!!!

Boo, hiss.

And in the black corner, the challenger for this cat fight, the six-time heavyweight WACKO cat-fighting champion of the world, Tucker Tucker Two, a.k.a. The Cat Fighter Formerly Known As The Tuxedo (who really needs a shorter nickname) Now Simply Known As T Because Triple T Was Already Taken (by T’s former BFF, business partner with the Triple T Cartel, former WACKO cat-fighting partner and now chief nemesis and competition for T;’s six championship belts and, incidentally, competition for tonight’s cat fight The Original Triple T, Tom the Tabby)!!

Yea!!!

Okay, you two,

I want a clean cat fight. Play bey the rules, but there are no rules s….well, there is one rule. I must consult my rulebook. Yes, here it is. Tom, you weighed 0.0000000001 ounces over the maximum to fight as a middle weight. You have two options, Tom. First, we may begin the fight, but it would be as a lightweight fight, so T would be the champion, and you the challenger. That would mean that you would need to win the fight by decision or knockout, and T would retain his title in the event of a draw.

TTT. What’s the other option?

I’ll tell you right after this word from our sponsor.

d,: Cal.E., we’re almost out of time, and I know that you know that WACKO cat fighting handbook backward and forward since you formerly trained with T. So, what’s Tom’s second option?

C.: Well, if I remember correctly… wait, it's been a long time since I read this book, so I'd better look it up on my phone. Yes, here it is. The Official Book of WACKO Cat Fighting says that Tom has three days to make weight for this division. If he fails to do so, then he forfeits the fight to T, unless the third day is a Sunday, which it is. So..Tom could then fight as a lightweight, just as the referee said, but he would need to win the fight by knocking T out, unless the cat fight falls on an even numbered month, which it does. So, then, each cat would fight as champions of their respective divisions, with the winner taking home the championship belts for both divisions. However, since Tom is overweight to be the champion of the middleweight division, he would only be declared the winner of the lightweight division, and the middleweight division would be declared open. Of course, if T wins, he gets both belts. Then, he would be within one belt of the record of eight belts held by a Ukrainian cat named Oz.

d.: It’ a as simple as that?

C.: Yes, why?

d.: It’s usually more complicated when it comes to WACKO cat fighting. I would like to give you some examples, but we’re out of time for today. That’s the end of this cat ta(i)le, folks.

Please join us next time for another edition of Cal.E.’s Korner