Cal.E.'s Korner

ultra modern communication device

d.: (ring) Hello, you have reached the phone of Calculating Einstein Katt. If you will leave a name and number, I’ll call you when the time is right. In other words, when…

 Hi Cal.E., it’s d.c. I need f you to write the blog for the next couple of days. I have a project that’s due for school, and the organization I’m dealing with has strict hours. I’ll try to write the blog next week.  Thak you so much.

freezes over.

d.: Now, let’s see. The number for that organization is 555-1212. That number will give me their real number, which I must memorize and then delete it from my memory and phone immediately after calling them. If I can’t contact someone from that organization today, I will need to call information again next week and get a different number, since that organization changes its number on alternate Tuesdays for security purposes, according to their clandestine website.

Okay, if I repeat the number information gave me three times while touching my nose and turning around counterclockwise, I should be able to remember the number long enough to dial the number. That’s as long as I need to remember it.

There, I dialed all ten of the digits correctly. Good, they’re answering the phone this time.

“Hello, and welcome to We Care as Little as Possible, and Sometimes Less Than That. All agents are currently occupied with calls from other callers who probably dialed our number without having to go to extreme measures to remember it. We are here to help you if you call us between the hours of nine and nine oh-seven Zulu time on alternate Wednesdays. That is, unless that Wednesday falls on an odd-numbered date in an even numbered month in an odd numbered year. Then, you will need to wait until these requirements are reversed before trying to contact us again.

It is now nine-oh-six- and thirty-seconds Zulu time,  and no agents are available to take your call. If you will leave your name, number where you can be reached, your home and work address, the first seven digits on your social security card, the number of a valid credit card with less than ten thousand dollars on it along with the security code, we will contact you at our latest convenience. Beep.

d.: Hello…um, I need to speak to someone….

Thank you for calling us. Your message will be relayed to the appropriate staff member, and s/he will contact you in the next seventy-five business days. Have a nice day.

d.: Oh, no! this project is due on Monday, and it’s Wednesday. What am I going to do now?

That's the end of today's cat ta(i)le.

Tune in tomorrow, folks, for another cat ta(i)e. on Cal.E.’s Korner In this cat ta(i)le, you’ll learn if d.c. is able to complete his task on time and to see if Cal.E ever listens to her voice mail.