Cal.E.'s Korner

C.: (I think I’ll give d.c. a call and see when he wants to meet to write or bog post (ring).

d.: Hi Cal.E. You called at a good time. I’m standing in line at the bank. There are three people ahead of me, so we have…about thirty minutes to talk.

Hi, good looking. Can I get your phone number…Wait! This isn’t your number; it’s the number to the sheriff’s department. I know that because I work there!

You, and the horse you rode in on, please exit the bank and thank you, come again.

Next!

C.: Why didn’t you just use the .A.T.M.?

d.: Because I need forty-five dollars in cash, and the A.T.M. only hands out money in  twenty-dollar increments. I need twenty dollars to get my hair cut and twenty-five for lunch at my favorite sandwich shop.

I can get in and out faster if I have cash.

Next!

d.: Hold on Cal.E., I’m next in line, but I have some exciting news, so don’t hang up.

Hello, ma’am, sir, or nonbinary individual. How may I be of service to you on this thrilling Thursday?

d.: I need to withdraw forty-five dollars from my checking account, please.

I’m sorry, but I can only give you cash in twenty-dollar increments.

d.: Well, it looks like I have a saw buck in my wallet,

so just give me forty dollars, please.

Very well, would you like that in tens, twenties, or fives?

d.: Two tens and a twenty?

Hmm…I seem to be out of larger bills, so I’ll must give you the whole amount in fives, if you don’t mind.

d.: Okay…That was strange. I just needed one more five and I could have had what I needed. Anyway, as I said before, I have some exciting news, Cal.E.

C.: Is it bigger than a bread box,

but smaller than a jet airliner?

d: I said news, not a ….whatever you were thinking.

C.: Okay, let’s hear it.

d.: Well, T. Puppy Katt

is having puppies!

C.: Wow! That’s great news, d.c. As you know, my third husband, Six Time WACKO Cat Fighting Champion of The World,  Tucker Tucker  Two, a.k.a. The (former and  present) Cat Fighter Formerly Known AS The Tuxedo (who really needs a shorter nickname) Now Simply Known As T Because Triple T Was Already Taken (by his former BFF, business partner and cat fighting partner in the World Association of Cat Fighting and Knowledge of Ornithology And Now Mortal Enemy, The Original Triple T, Holder Of the Only WACKO Championship Belt T Doesn’t Hold-The One For The Middle Weight Class),

decided against having any more kittens because I had fourteen from a pervious marriage. Even though they would be in their forties if they were humans,

they still all live with T and me at Wayne Manor,

so it’s a full house.

Anyway, is there anything I can do to help?

d.: Yes, you can go to my house, boil some water and put three towels in my washing machine and wash them on “sanitary wash.” Then, wait for further instructions.

C.: ( I thought that old boiling water and clean towels thing was a myth, but d.c. is a nurse. He’s been trained to deliver human hairless kittens, so I suppose that’s not too different from delivering puppies. I’d better do as he asked me to do).

Later that same day, at the scot residence.

C.: I boiled the water, d.c. And here’s three towels that have been sanitized.

d.: Thank you, Cal.E. I appreciate that.

C.: So, when will the puppies be born?

d.: Oh, she hasn’t been bred yet, so it’ll be a few months.

C.: So, why the boiling water and the three sanitized towels?

d.: Well, it’s time for my afternoon tea,

a cup of tea

and I like to put one towel in my lap. I use the other one to wipe my mouth with.

C.: And the third?

d.: T. Puppy likes to steal the one in my lap, so I like to have a spare.

C.: That’s (thankfully) all the time we have for today, folks.

d.: So, that’s the end of today’s cat ta(i)le. Please join us tomorrow for another episode of Cal.E.’s Korner.