Cal.E.'s Korner

C.:  (knock knock, knock) dane christian scot; (knock knock, knock) dane christian scot; (knock knock, knock) dane christian scot…

d.: Just one moment, Cal.E. Let me get my killer poodle under control. (Come on, T. Puppy Katt, you need to go to the back room so you won't hurt or scare my guest.)

Hi, welcome, Cal.E., to scot manor. I have the big game on my big screen television for our enjoyment.

C.: I thought that it was just a preseason game in Houston…

d.: It is, but the starters on offense and defense are going to play at least one series for each team.

C.: I see. Speaking of the starters, how does the Houston football team pay their starters so much? Even if they sell out every game and charge one hundred dollars a seat, on average, it still doesn’t add up  to their payroll.

d.: Two ways, Cal.E. One, a one-hundred-dollar seat would probably be an obstructed view seat, or one so far from the field that it would be hard to see what’s going on. You would be better watching the game on t.v. than to buy those seats.

C.: Okay, charging more per seat is one way, what’s the second way?

d.: Well, the game is about to start, so I’ll just show you.

And here’s the Coca-Cola kickoff, which lands in the Pepsi green zone, or return zone for those of you who are old-school. It looks like the Texans will take a Tropicana Touchback as the officials place the ball on the Anheuser-Bush  thirty-five-yard- line. Now, it’s a Dr. Pepper first down, and the Texans are now on the Philip- Morris forty-yard line. It’s a Miller Lite second down, and the Texan’s take the ball to the Juicy Fruit fifty-yard line for another Dr. Pepper first down. The first down marker is brought to you by Billie’s Bal Bonds. If you can’t shake loose from the cops like the Texans running back just did, call 1-800 Billie Bonds.

The running back got all the way to the Frito Lay forty-five-yard line before being Taco Bell tackled.

The Texan’s tall receiver catches the ball at the Phillip Morris forty-yard line and takes the ball out of Spec’s sideline. Enjoy liquid refreshments at reasonable prices while you watch the big game.

C.:  I see now.

d.: Then, where are you going?

C.: Well, I suddenly have the urge to go to Spec’s Warehouse and buy some booze.

I’ll mix it with some Dr. Pepper, Coke, or Pepsi. Since I’m suddenly Jonesing for a smoke, I’ll buy a pack of Pall-Malls while I’m there. I

f I get caught and thrown in the slammer for drunk driving, I’ll just call 1-800- Billie Bonds and all my troubles will disappear.

And, if I have a hangover in the morning, I’ll make a screwdriver with some Tropicana orange juice mixed with some vodka I’ll pick up at Spec’s/ If that doesn't get rid of my hangover, I’ll just try to chase it away with some Miller Lite Beer. I should also get some Fritos to go with that, or maybe just a bean burrito from Taco Bell. 

d.: (Wow! I knew cats were impressionable, but this is scary. However, it does prove that advertising works well.) I need to go counteract what watching the football game has done to my feline friend, so that’s the end of today’s cat tail(e).

Please join us tomorrow for another edition of Cal.E.’s Korner.