Cal.E.'s Korner

C.: d.c, I think that there are a few new people

who may be reading this blog. Do you want to give them a rundown on what this blog is about?

d.: I’d be glad to. Cal.E., whose whole name is Calculating Einstein Katt, is an alien cat from the Planet of the Talking Cats. She ate her husband’s, King Tom’s Rodent Prepared For Royalty. This offense usually carries a death sentence, but Tom loved his wife.

That’s why he asked the Supreme Ruler of the Cat Galaxy, Meow Z. Tongue, for an alternate punishment. El Gord Gotto (Meow weighs more than forty pounds) decided on that punishment. He put Cal.E. in a spaceship and told her to find the source of energy on her planet, and she would be free to come back and live there.

Cal.E. found the source of energy for her planet when she crash- landed on planet Earth.

We have more hot air generated by politicians than any other planet known to man or animal.

However, since Cal.E.’s spaceship was ruined, she had to stay here.

She didn’t like the East Coast after she crash landed in the Atlantic Ocean and swam to shore near Baltimore, Maryland, and was menaced by giant animals known as ‘cows’

so she hopped on an eighteen-wheeler and headed west. The truck stopped in Houston, where an Animal control officer captured her.

She was thrown into The Kennel, the place where wayward animals are stored. While in the Kennel, she met me, nurse/author d.c. scot. I told her not to talk to anyone else because then she would become a science experiment. She taught me her native language, Catonese,

When I told my BFFs and next-door neighbors, Horace and Hortense about a very interesting cat they might want to adopt in The Kennel.

Horace and Hortense live next door to me, so Cal.E. and I started writing this blog. In her spare time, Cal.E. got into some trouble gambling online. She bet money on sporting events with the Triple T Cartel, the most feared cat cartel in the western tip of Southeast Texas.

It turned out well for her, though, because she met her future husband, Tucker Tucker Two, a.k.a. The Cat Fighter Formerly Known As The Tuxedo (who really needs a shorter nickname) Now Simply Known As T Because Triple T Was Already Taken (by his former tag-team partner, BFF and business partner, Tom the Tabby, who ran the Triple T Cartel.

T had been in the Kennel so often that the warden decided to retire his number.

However, while T was in The Kennel, he invested his time in learning. He now holds a Doctorate in Playing and Hiding, but the most profitable thing T learned to do in The Kennel was defend himself. He turned this unfortunate set of circumstances into a career as a heavy-weight cat fighting champion. He also lost enough weight to become the light heavy weight champion of the World Association of Cat fighting and Knowledge of Ornithology. T retired as the six-time WACKO cat fighting champion of the world, with only two losses. The first one was to his wife in an exhibition match, and the second one convinced him to retire, because he lost to Tom in his last fight.

T's now a gentle cat

Living in Wayne Manor with his wife, Cal.E.

and her fourteen grown kittens. They all have jobs at The Kennel as cage cleaners.

However, Cal.E's. youngest male kitten, Ralph, is an aspiring musician who plays the bass. Unfortunately, he inherited his mom's addiction to cat nip. (get help Ralph, please.)

Meanwhile, Meow Z. Tongue

came to Earth to find Cal.E. and destroy the planet but was adopted by a kind elderly lady who adopted him. He now lives in the lap of luxury, and he has given Cal.E. permission to rule the corner of the universe where Earth is located.

C.: And?

d.: This blog has a message (see introductory picture) . And some interesting guests, like Joe Groan.

JG Oh, oh, oh…I’m Joe Groan, and you are somebody else.

C.: And?

Secondly, this blog can help others solve problems. Let’s look at a couple of of our more helpful blogs.

d.: I’m sorry Cal.E., my computer is on the fritz, so I can’t write our blog today.

C.: Just use your training and fix it, d.c.

d.: I’m not an I.t. guy…

C.: No, your other training you got while you were in college/

d.: Okay. I’ll use the training I received while working my way through college on a construction crew. This crew’s motto was, “If something doesn’t work, hit it with a hammer. If that doesn't work, hit it with a bigger hammer."

C.: Did it work?

d.: It looks like…...I’m gonna to need a bigger hammer.

d.: Son, when you install a septic tank, make sure that it's downhill from the toilet, and don't bight your fingernails afterwards. Good talk, son

C.: Well, I think that the readers get the idea, d.c., so this is the end of today’s cat ta(i)le.

Please join us tomorrow for another episode of Cal.E.’s Korner.