Cal.E.'s Korner

d.: Oh, man. What a dream….Cal.E., what are you doing here?

C.: Well, Eudora

is on Yetta Nather cruise

with your and her next-door neighbors and my human mom and dad, Horace, and Hortense,

because she thought that going on a cruise on her sister, Yetta Nather's boat

might help cure her chronic migraines. I knew that you weren’t feeling well, so I decided to stay with you until you were yourself again.

d.: ???

C.: Oh, don’t worry. It looks like you’re back to normal.

d.: Isn’t your third husband, Tucker Tucker Two, a.k.a. The (former) Cat Fighter Formerly Known As The Tuxedo (who really needs a shorter nickname) Now Simply Known As T Because Triple T Was Already Taken (by his former WACKO tag-team partner, BFF and business partner, Tom the Tabby), the six-time World Association of Cat Fighting and Knowledge of Ornithology missing you?

C.: zzz….

Oh, sorry, I dozed off for a second while you were saying T’s whole name. No, I called my third husband, Tucker Tucker Two, a.k.a. The (former) Cat Fighter Formerly Known As The Tuxedo (who really needs a shorter nickname) Now Simply Known As T Because Triple T Was Already Taken (by his former WACKO tag-team partner, BFF and business partner, Tom the Tabby), the six-time World Association of Cat Fighting and Knowledge of Ornithology and let him know that I was staying with you until you reflet better. He's relaxing at Wayne Manor

After all, you were trying to help me with the research you were doing about books that had been turned into movies. on your large screen television

You didn’t get enough sleep because you were helping me, so I felt responsible for you.

d.: How long have I been asleep?

C.: Let’s see… carry the four, divide by Pi, and multiply by the square root of twenty-two…fourteen hours.

d.: Oh, man. T. Puppy Katt,

Shon and Big Boy, my dog and two cats must be starving…

C.: Don’t worry, I took care of it for your pets.

d.: How? You don’t have opposable thumbs, so how did you open their food bags?

C.: I picked up a phone number that one of your neighbors left on the cluster mailbox we all share. The number was for a teenage girl

who wanted to earn extra money during the Summer months while she was off from school.

I called the number and pretended to be Eudora. I told him that you were unwell, and couldn’t get out of bed, but I was out of town, and we needed someone to feed the animals. I told the teenage boy that I would leave the front door unlocked, and I would leave the money on the front table.

d.: That was good thinking, but where did the money come from?

C.: Your wallet.

d.: Okay, how much did you give him for five minutes’ worth of work?

C.: Let’s see, multiply be the cube root of forty-two…all the money in your wallet.

d.:  Oh well, what’s done is done. But me watching all those movies must have been why I fell asleep. I had the weirdest dream, though.

C.: Oh, what was it about?

d.: Well, you were there, and so was the King of Rock and Roll, Elvis Pressley. He’s from my home state, you know….

C.: Tennessee?

d.: NO!! Elvis was born in Tupelo, Mississippi and lived there until his mom remarried after his biological dad died. He was young, and they only had one child. That’s why Elvis was so glad when his mom married Vernon Stanley, who had a son who was close to Elvis’ age. The two grew close. Rick even accompanied Elvis on his singing tours. He even authored a book about his time with Elvis called Elvis, My Brother.

C.: Well, you do seem to know a lot about this subject, which makes sense.

d.: ???

C.: d.c., when you’re overtired and haven’t slept much (or at all in a couple of days, you become your alter ego, Elvis Presley.

d.: Well, that explains the dream. But now, I feel like a

C.: Don’t be so hard on yourself, d.c. It could have happened to…well, only you.

d.: Thanks, Cal.E., I think. But the reason I feel like a

is because everyone knows that Elvis Presley, Freddie Mercury, Janis Joplin, and Jimi Hendrix aren’t really dead.

C.:???

d.: No. They all faked their deaths so they could be alone to write and sing music. They’re all on an unchartered island in the Bermuda Triangle playing the best music anyone has never heard.

C.: ……That’s all the time we have for today, folks. Please join my partner, (I hope) d.c. scot and me tomorrow for another 

Here on Cal.E.’s Korner.