Cal.E.'s Korner

C.: Thanks for your help, T. I must go see about d.c. now, though. I'll be back in two or three catnaps.

( I'm glad my third husband, Tucker Tucker Two, a.k.a. the (former) Cat Fighter Formerly Known As The Tuxedo (who really needs a shorter nickname) Now Simply Known As T Because Triple T Was Already Taken, by his former World Association of Cat Fighting And Knowledge of Ornithology tag team cat fighting partner, BFF and former business partner, Tom the Tabby.

T's the six-time WACKO Cat Fighting Champion of the world, and had a dial up connection installed in our home, Wayne Manor so that we could be well-informed.

He can afford such luxuries because of the money he won cat fighting and the money that he and Tom made before that, doing,,,business. I'm thankful for the dial-up connection but it did take a while to connect.

I just hope that T doesn't buy something extravagant with his money, like a bag phone.)

Anyway, the website that I use to learn how to handle difficult situations here on Earth, CNN, was very helpful. Cats Need kNowledge says that the first thing I need to do, if someone is suffering from dissociative disorder is to oriented that person to reality, so here goes.)

C.: Knock knock

d.: Come on in, cat.

“d.c., your name is d.c. scot, and you’re an author and a nurse with three grown sons. You’ve been married to your wife, Eudora for the last twenty-five plus years. You were working on a plan to turn my book into a movie, but you didn’t sleep enough, so you started to imagine that you were one of Rock and Roll’s greatest singers..”

d.: One of? I invented Rock and Roll, baby. That’s why the call me the King of Rock and Roll. Aw kin write son’s that make the whole world cry…

C.: I think that was Paul Anka.

d.: Hmm, no. Paul did write some bootiful songs for me, but dat song was actually written by Bruce Johnson, and Barry Manilow stole it from me.

C.: who’s Bruce Johnson?

d.: Cat, don’ you know nothin’ ‘bout music? Bruce Johnson’s one o’ the Beach Boys....

C.: Oh, you mean, John, Paul, George and Ringo, don't you?

d.; NO!! Day’s ‘most as pop’lar is me. Aw do and ‘preciate dare genius, jus’ like day ‘ppreciated mine. And day’s fun to hang out wit’ Day got some good…ways to haves a good time.  Aw did write and sing some good songs, doe. Jus’ give me a few minutes, and aw’ll come up wit’ a ‘riginal song. It’ll be da biggest hit since….

C.: The Beatles invaded America?

d.: Dem’s fighten’ words, cat.  Dem boys came ‘cross da pond an’ stole my thunda. I ought ta go ta their home and do the same thing ta them as they did to me….

Dat’s what I’ll do, I’ll write some real ‘mantic songs dat will make da girls swoon ‘gain. Den, maybe ‘Scilla’ll be too jealous o’ dem, and I’ll get her back.

C.: I doubt that. She's a successful actress and business woman who got over your death years ago...

d.: Maw what now?!! An' what about maw daughta', Lisa Marie?

C.: d.c.,,…er, Elvis, listen. I hate to be the one to inform you of this, but your daughter died not too long ago.

d.: Hmm.. I hadn’t heard dat. How’d she die, a car wreck?

C.: No.

d.: Drug overdose?

C.: ...Let's not talk a bout that now, E.,..

d.: Was she ‘terminally ill, den?

C.: No, that wasn’t it.

d.: Den how’d she die? 

C.: Let's not talk about that now; we have bigger fish to fry.

d.: Like what?

C.: Think about it, Elvis. You’re sitting here talking to a beautiful, smart, witty, intelligent, very likeable talking calico cat. Doesn’t that tell you something?

d.: Yeah, you right. Maybe I’d betta lay down fo’ a spell. Maw mind must be a playin’ tricks on me. Can yo’ using me a lullaby, cat. I seem to have misplaced maw….sleep ‘scription.

C.: Sure, but I must do something else first.

d.: Awright, den. Hurry back if’n ya knows what’s good for ya. I gots a posse that’ll fin' ya if’n ya decides ta try to disappaya.

Well, y’all heard him. I’m about to go sing a lullaby to the king of rock and roll! That means that we’re out of time for today. Please join us tomorrow for another episode of Cal.E.’s Korner.