Cal.e.'s Korner

d.:  Now that I’m through working out,  I can listen to the Animal Olympics. That should inspire me to take my next workout seriously. The Joe Groan Show is broadcasting them, and I can pick it up on KEEP/KIND Anahuac/Winnie. I just need to adjust my computer and fine tune it some…Oh, yes, here it is.

 Coming to you live, from the building that was once deemed “The Wonder of the World,” it’s the Animal Olympics, with your host, Joe Groan from the Houston Astrodome

JG.: Oh, oh, oh. It’s the thirty-second most wonderful time of the year. It’s time for the Animal Olympics, and the most interesting events are scheduled for today.  That’s bcause we have the preliminaries of  the Cat Fighting Finals, which have already occurred. As expected, Tucker Tucker Two, a.k.a The Cat Fighter Formerly Known As the Tuxedo (who really needs a shorter nickname) Now Simply Known As T Because Triple T Was Already Taken

took his division with his one-punch specialty in six consecutive bouts. And, in the opposite division, the favored space cat, ELAC, took her division without much trouble, but these bouts raise a question in my mind. The question is, “Why stage all these preliminary bouts when we already know who’s going to win?”

Anyone who’s even vaguely familiar with WACKO Cat Fighting knows that, in a fair cat fight, T will come out on top. He’s the consummate professional after turning life around and separating himself from the notorious gangster cat, Tom The Tabby.

His criminal past, though, is valuable in his present profession, because it’s cat fighting, and anything goes. However, no cat on the face of the earth can compete with T even fighting dirty, the Original Triple T, Tom the Tabby notwithstanding. Tom knows his old partner in crime and former BFF as well as anyone, so he knows how to attack El Gordo Gato. He’s the only animal on this planet who may have a shot at defeating T, but he’s not here for these games. He had a previous engagement and couldn’t compete in these games, which makes T the clear-cut favorite to win these games, or does it?

I said that T is the best cat fighter on the face of the earth, but there’s a catch. Supposedly, this new cat, ELAC, is the thirty-second cousin twice removed of his wife, Cal.E.,

and she’s supposedly not only from another planet, but another galaxy.

Her heroics are legendary on her planet and in her galaxy even though she claims to be a pacifist. This should make for an interesting competition.

On the one hand, we have the best cat fighter on the planet, but these games aren’t limited to Earth cats. ELAC looks like the real deal, and that could spell trouble for the six-time heavy-weight cat fighting champion of the World Association of Cat Fighting and Knowledge of Ornithology. This sounds like an interesting match, but I’ll still take T to win the fight whenever the organizers decide to hold the final event, and I’ll tell you why.

T is on his home turf, on his home planet, and that must count for something. ELAC is one of the best mercenaries in the universe, but will she be able to adjust to the atmosphere to last more than the one round she took to win all her preliminary cat fights? She must  stay in the ring with T for three solid two-minute rounds, and he’s a healthy cat. I say no. The stakes are too high, and the air is too thin for the fabulous feline to defeat the big cat. And, since there’s no weight limit, T can bulk up and add muscle over the next few days to improve his deadly right hook.

When these games end, T will be the victor. He’ll get to eat every rodent in this rat-infested building if he chooses to do so. I’m as sure of that as I was of investing in Enron in the early twenty-first century.

This has been Joe Groan, with one man’s (correct) opinion.

d.: Well, I suppose that's the end of today's ca ta(i)le

Please join us tomorrow for another edition of Cal.E.'s Korner.