Cal.E.'s Korner

C.: (Well, if d.c. is taking a sabbatical, I can now concentrate on my fabulous marital relationship with….Oh, yes, Tucker Tucker Two, a.k.a. The Cat Fighter Formerly Known As The Tuxedo (who really needs a shorter nickname) Now Simply Known As T Because Triple T Was Already Taken. I’ll call him now-ring.

T usually answers on the first ring when he knows I’m the one calling him. I know he has caller i.d., and I don’t think he’s avoiding me-ring. I’ll let my mind wander while he takes his time answering the phone.

I wonder why restrooms are called that here on Earth? A bathroom has a place to take a bath in it, but a restroom has the same equipment minus the bathtub and/or shower. In houses, a room that fits that description is called a half-bath; as if you can go in that room and take one-half a bath. Restrooms have the same equipment, but are called by a different name if not located in a house. And, when you go into a restroom, most people don’t go in one to rest-ring).

Hello, you have reached the answering service of Tucker Tucker Two, a.k.a. The Cat Fighter Formerly Known As The Tuxedo (who really needs a shorter nickname) Now Simply Known As T Because Triple T Was Already Taken. Please leave a message after the beep. Beep

T, it’s me, Cal.E. your wife and bestie. Call me.

Wow! I’m on a role with the rhyming. I’ll write a poem for T to use at his weigh- in for his fight next week with Tom the Tabby. Lets see what I’ve got-

 I am Tucker Tucker Two, a.k.a. The Cat Fighter Formerly Known As The Tuxedo (who really needs a shorter nickname) Now Simply Known As T Because Triple T Was Already Taken.

By that statement you should be shaken

The Original Triple T

Tom the Tabby

You might float like a butterfly

And sting like a bee

But neither of those insects

Can ever harm me

Because I’m the greatest there ever could be

The Cat Simply Known As T

To the cats and people that know me best 

And I say,

Forget the rest.

Okay, I spent all of ten minutes on that poem, so I’ll just take a little cat nap for an hour and then call T. I should set an alarm clock, though, so I won’t sleep too long.

Ten minutes later

(Ring.)

(Has it been an hour already? No, that’s my phone. I wonder if T is calling me back? It’s best to answer the phone in a nondescript manner if the caller is unknown.)

“Hello, ma’am, sir, or nonbinary individual. How may I be of service to you today, may I ask?”

T.: Hi Cal.E., it’s me, your husband, T. I was just returning your call before Iwnet to train to maul (my opponent Triple T).

C.: Yes, since we haven’t talked in… two hours, thirty-three minutes and thirty-four, no thirty-five, now thirty six seconds…

T.: Yes, I miss you too, Cal.E. And I have something exciting to tell you

C. I have something to tell you too, T.

T.: : Is it the poem you texted me ten minutes ago?

C.: Yes, that’s it. You can use that poem at your weigh-in for your fight. That should intimidate Tom so badly that he’ll want to throw in the towel at the weigh in and not want to fight you at all! You’ll win be default, and we can go on with our lives…

T.: That’s why I didn’t answer your call while ago, Cal.E. The weigh-in was last night. I made weight. I only weight 14.999999999873 pounds at the weigh-in, and 15 pounds is the legal limit for the middle weight division of WACKO cat fighting.

After we weighed in, Tom and I had a couple of extra-rare sirloin steaks, some baked potatoes, and caviar. I woke up this morning feeling bloated and guilty that I didn’t train yesterday, so I took a nap in my hyperbaric chamber. That helped restore my glycogen reserves without putting any excess weight on me.

C.: So, you didn’t need my poem?

T.: Not at the weigh in, but maybe at the actuarial cat fight. Then, I can concentrate on the next event.

C.: Which is?

T.: It’s May, Cal.E. What always happens in May?

C.: Well, April showers make May flowers so…A lot of pollen that creates a lot of people sneezing in our faces and giving us their germs?

T.: That and, wait for it…….THE CAT OLYMPICS! I hope you’ve been training, Cal.E., because I want to set new records in every event.

C.: T, humans have Olympic events every two years, and the Summer and Winter Olympics are spread out over four years. There are only human Olympic events every two years, so why do the Cat Olympics come every year?

T.: That’s all the time we have for today, folks. Please join us tomorrow for another episode of Cal.E.’s Korner.