Cal.E.'s Korner

C.: Come on over and watch T and Tom’s big cat fight, d.c. We can watch it on T.’s colossal screen television.

This T.V. makes the picture larger than life, literally. The T.V. magnifies everything it’s showing to be five times its size!

d.: Well, I need to study, so I think I’ll pass, Cal.E. Besides, all that’s going to happen is T will throw one punch and knock the opponent out. Then, he’ll refuse to answer questions in the post-fight interview.

C.: No, no, I know that script, d.c., and I know that’s not what’s going to happen tonight.

d.: Well, if you insist. I’ll study until the actual main event starts. I think there are a lot of fights on the undercard, aren’t there?

C.: Yes, sixteen to be exact. You’ll have plenty of time to study before the main event starts.

d.: Okay, I’m in. I’ll see you in a few hours.

Later that same night (barely)

And we’re here at the Cat Fighting Arena, also known as the Eighth Wonder of the World at one time. That’s right, folks. This cat fight is for all the marbles. The winners get the championship belt for tag-team car fighting, and all the rodents they care to eat here at the Astrodome. That’s a lot of  rodents, folks. And now, for the opening introductions.

Ladies, gentlemen, nonbinary individuals and animals of all descriptions, let’s get ready to ruuuuuuumble! In the white corner, the champions of this division, at a combined weight of 27.6666666666667 pounds, Joe Cool Cat

and his cousin, or something like that, but really, who cares? Because tonight we have, at the combine weight of 33.666666666667 pounds the holder of six WACKO heavy weight championship belts in the black corner, Tucker Tucker Two, a.k.a. The Cat Fighter Formerly Known As The Tuxedo (who really needs a shorten nick name) Now Simply Known As T Because Triple T Was Already Taken, and his partner, the Original Triple T, Tom the Tabby!!

TTT.: Let me go first, T. I’ll run and wear them down while they chase me, and then you can come in and knock them both out.

T.: I’ve got a better idea, Tom. Let me go first.

Referee: Okay, y’all you know the rules. Since this is a cat fight, anything goes. Now bump paws and come out ready to fight.

Announcer: And it looks like T will be the first cat in the ring for the challengers. That’s not the way I saw this cat fight starting. (ding). The champions are both in the ring with T. Since this is a cat fight, that’s not against the rules, since there aren’t any. And …

.

POW! POW!

Referee: One, one, two, two, three, three

The referee is counting down for both of the participants from the white corner at one time

Seven, Seven, Eight, Eight,...

It looks like the no-name cat is trying to get up off the mat

REF.: nine, nine, ten, ten.

Well, he didn’t get up before the count of ten. Now the ringside vet is going to check T.’s paw and make sure that he’s okay before checking on the two cats he knocked out. T is waving the vet off, so she’s checking on the other cats…

D.: I thought you said that this cat fight would be different, Cal.E. It’s the same thing as all of T.’s other cat fights, but in stereo.

C.: Wait for it..

Now, we have the lead cat from the new World Association of Cat fighting and Knowledge of Ornithology. 

And What a performance, T. It only took two blows to knock out two cats. Do you have any comments on that?

T.: No.

d.: It’s the same thing, Cal.E., I’m leaving.

C.: Wait…

So, are you prejudice against orange tabby cats? Is that why you won’s answer my questions?

T.: To be prejudice, I’d have to like a certain type of cat, and I don’t like any cats, people, or other animals, as a rule. 

Well, your partner and your stepson, Ralph, are both orange tabbies, so I suppose that’s true. But, do you like your very large family now that you’ve married royalty and all of her kittens moved into your house at Wayne Manor?

T.: That’s the exception that proves the rule. My beautiful wife, Cal.E., her fourteen kittens, and my partner Tom the Tabby are the only cats I like. That’s why it’s so easy for me to knock out other cats.

Because you hate all other cats?

T.: Among other things, yes.

What other things?

T.: Like being asked inane questions that have nothing to do with the cat fight I just dominated. Why don’t you ask me about that?!

Okay, if your plan was to knock out both of your opponents at once, why not let Tom have some fun first?

TTT. Yeah, T, what about me?! Why didn’t you let me get in the ring first? 

T.: No comment.

TT.: I have a comment. Right here on channel 222.2222227, I’ll challenge my ex-partner to a match, mano-a-mano, with one stipulation.

T.: And that is?

TTT. We must weigh the same thing at the weigh in.

T.: I’ll pass.

TTT.: Whatsa matter? Are ya chicken?

T.: No, Tom, I’m not. I’ll fight you anywhere, anytime, in any weight class,

but those have parameters. Let’s us the light heavy divisions of WACKO Cat Fighting weight parameters.

TTT.: You’ve got a deal if we use WACKO middle weight parameters for cat fighting.

T.: Okay, give me one month, and I’ll get down to the fifteen pound weight limit for that class. Then, my former best friend and ex tag team cat fighting partner, I’ll bring you back to reality with one punch.

Well, you heard it here first. A Cat Fight for the ages involving two former BFFs and WACKO tag team cat fighting partners are going to settle the score, once and for all, right here on Cal.E.’s Korner.