Cal.E.'s Korner

C.: I’ll call d.c. so we can write our blog today (ring). Well, he didn’t answer on the first ring, so I’ll let my mind wander while I wait for him to answer his phone.

Hmm, it says on this website that the best-selling books at the present time are self-help books. Well, I don’t think these authors should be paid so well, or at all. The reason is right in the title of the category: SELF-help books. So, that means that the reader must do all the work him or herself. So, shouldn’t the author pay the readers for reading the book? (ring) And…

d.: Hello, Cal.E., is that your?

C.: Yes d.c., it is me, Cal.E., the one and only. The wo4rld’s best…well I need to work on that. Are you ready to write our blog today?

d.: Not really. I had a minor emergency to take care of this morning, but it’s taken care of now. However, this threw me behind on my schedule, so I decided to go through a drive-thru at a fast-food restaurant to eat lunch, but I cannot get the person working the microphone to understand what I want. I’m guessing that s/he’s not from Texas or any other part of the southern United States because my accent is throwing him or her off. This person keeps trying to repeat my order, but it’s never right. That’s why it took me so long to answer my phone.

C.: What do you want for lunch, d.c.?

d.: I want a bacon-double cheeseburger with everything on it, fries, and a large coke.

C.: And what kind of Coke do you want?

d.: Let’s see…I need caffeine, but I don’t like Pepsi, Sprite has no caffeine, and Mountain Dew has too much caffeine in it.

“I’ll just have a Coca Cola, Cal.E..

C.: And what kind of Coca Cola do you want? Do you want Diet Coke, Coke Zero, Vanilla Coke, Classic Coke, New Coke, not-so- new- but-t not- ancient Coke, or Raspberry Coke?

d.:  I just want a regular Classic Coke…no, wait. I’m trying to watch my calories, so get me a Diet Coke.

C.: Okay, hold the phone up to the speaker.

 Hello, and welcome to the world’s largest fast-food chain. You can order whatever you’d like. If we don’t have it here, then you probably need to go to a different restaurant. How may I be of service to you today, ma’am,. sir or nonbinary individual?

C.: Meow, roar, phtt, hack, wail, wail, roar, meow, meow.

And what size fries would you like with that order, ma’am, sir, or nonbinary individual?

d.: Oh, good grief!