Cal.E.'s Korner

C.: (ring) Thank you for calling 119. What do you want to brag about today?

Hello, yes, my name is Lucky Lezcano Jr. the IV.

C.: So, you’re the eight person with this name?

Yes, like King Henry, and I feel like a king.

C.: Okay, go ahead and tell me about your lucky day, Lucky.

Well, my divorce was finalized today.

C.: And you two didn’t get along?

No, I worshipped the ground she walked on, but that’s over.

C.: Okay, why do you see this as a good thing?

Because she took the kids with her.

C.: And you didn’t like your kids?

Oh no, I adored my children, but that’s five less mouths to feed. That’s fortunate, since I lost my job.

C.: Okay…

: That made me lose my insurance, so I can’t buy my medicine anymore. My doctor gave me six months to live if I didn’t take my meds. Now, I don’t need to worry about losing my job, because I won’t need money but for six more months.

C.: Well, at least you have a roof over your head and food to eat, don’t you?

Oh, no. Since I lost my job, I couldn’t pay my mortgage anymore, so the house went into receievership. Now, I don’t need to worry about paying the mortgage.

C.: Where will you sleep, then?

It’s warm outside, and the sky is beautiful at night, if you can see through the smog.

C.: Well, what about when it gets cold?

That doesn’t matter, because I won’t be alive.

C.: Sir, I rarely ask my third husband, Tucker Tucker Two, a.k.a the Cat Fighter Formerly Known AS The Tuxedo (who really needs a shorter nickname) Now simply Known As T Because Triple T Was Already Taken, the six-time heavy weight WACKO Cat Fighting champion of the world for money for other people, even though he’s a meow-illionnare, but I think you need some help. I’ll call T right now and see if we can help you get back on your feet.

I knew that this was my luck day!