I'm Joe Doe with a
CHANNEL 222.222 BREAKING NEWS REPORT:
We’re hear at the weigh-in for next week’s WACKO light heavyweight championship cat fight, asking these two contestants to comment on their two championship cat fights.
We’ll start with the champion of this weight class, Tom the Tabby. Tom, what are your thoughts on last week’s and this week’s cat fight?
TTT: I float like a butterfly
Sting like a bee
I am the greatest
Tom the Tabbyyyy
I kept the light heavy weight
Cat fighting title
And kept my former freind
From becoming
A cat fighting idle.
The match was called a draw
Much to my chagrin
But I’ll fight T next week
And keep my title again.
I’ll show no mercy
To the cat with so many titles
‘Cause T fights just like
My timid Uncle Percy
I’ll knock him down
And make El Gordo Gato frown
I’ll hit him in the head
And knock him to the ground
If your looking for the G.O.A.T.
Then you’re looking just for me:
Tom the orange Tabby
I am the Greatest of All Time in cat fighting, and in life! My former BFF thinks he can beat me, but he never has, and he never will, in cat fighting or in life!.
CHANNEL 222.222 BREAKING NEWS REPORT:
We’re hear at the weigh-in for next week’s WACKO light heavyweight championship cat fight, asking these two contestants to comment on their two championship cat fights.
We’ll start with the champion of this weight class, Tom the Tabby. Tom, what are your thoughts on last week’s and this week’s cat fight?
TTT: I float like a butterfly
Sting like a bee
I am the greatest
Tom the Tabbyyyy
I kept the light heavy weight
Cat fighting title
And kept my former freind
From becoming
A cat fighting idle.
The match was called a draw
Much to my chagrin
But I’ll fight T next week
And keep my title again.
I’ll show no mercy
To the cat with so many titles
‘Cause T fights just like
My timid Uncle Percy
I’ll knock him down
And make El Gordo Gato frown
I’ll hit him in the head
And knock him to the ground
If your looking for the G.O.A.T.
Then you’re looking just for me:
Tom the orange Tabby
I am the Greatest of All Time in cat fighting, and in life! My former BFF thinks he can beat me, but he never has, and he never will, in cat fighting or in life!.
.
Well, that’s certainly an interesting perspective. What do you have to say to that, Tucker Tucker Two, a.k.a. The Cat Fighter Formerly Known As The Tuxedo (who really needs a shorter nickname) Now Simply Known As T Because Triple T Was Already Taken?
T.: I’ve heard better rhymes from nursery school kittens, Tom. You’re as bad at rhyming as you are at cat fighting.
Most people think That WACKO stands for Word Association of Cat fighting and Knowledge of Ornithology, but it really stands for Will Any Cat Knock Out (T)? The answer is a resounding no! I hold championship belts in five different categories of heavy weight cat fighting, and I’ll add a sixth to my trophy case next week, along with your scalp, Triple T. You’re a thug, a bad influence on the youths of America, and you need to be taken down a notch. I’m the only cat big enough, bad enough, and strong enough to do that; and I will do it as a favor to the kittens who are watching the fight so they want be influenced by your evil ways. God Bess America.
Well, you heard it first on channel 222.222. Each cat is convinced that he’ll take the light heavy weight cat fighting belt, the only heavy weight cat fighting belt that T doesn’t own, it their next cat fight.
Due to circumstances beyond our control, I cannot divulge that exact time and date of this cat fight, but stay tuned for the cat fight of the century, folks; two former best friends fighting for the right to call himself the WACKO light heavy weight cat fighting champion of the world!
We now return you to your regularly scheduled program.
Back stage
T.: That was a good rhyme you came up with, Tom. Did you work on it all week, or was it just a spur of the moment thing?
TTT: It was a little bit of both, actually. I used the techniques that you and I were taught in advanced obedience school classes to come up with it.
T.: Oh, yes. I remember having to come up with a five-minute extemporary speech in that speech class we took together. We were the top two students in that class.
TTT.: That’s because we were the only ones who stuck out the whole class. That’s why you and I were the valedictorian and salutatorian of that graduating class, because none of our classmates could hack it. I’m glad that you insisted that we be declared co-valedictorians, not valedictorian and salutatorian. That really helped me out. It gave me the confidence to start my own business. The rest of our classmates quit obedience school and are now sitting in some old lady’s lap, purring for treats while we’re both captains of industry. Thanks to you, I’m a successful business cat now, though.
You did pretty well for yourself, too, T. Tell me if you ever need help with your legitimate business operations, or that pretty calico cat you married (wink wink).
T.: You helped me out by warning me that the weigh in was today, but Cal.E. and I are doing great, Tom. However. I’d totally forgotten about the weigh in for the cat fight next week until you called me. I went into my sauna and sweated off the excess weight after your call. That’s the only way I came in at under twenty pounds, the legal limit for this fight.
TTT.: Hey, are you hungry?
T.: Yes, and I can eat now that I’ve weighed in .000003 pounds under the limit for light heavy weight cat fighting, according to the WACKO guidelines. Chinese food sounds good.
TTT: Yes, they eat a lot of fish, so it’s my favorite type of food. I’ll buy if you’ll drive us there.
T.: Deal. Hop in the T-mobile and let’s go!
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