11/19/24 1600 hours
d.: (I’d better try to call Dirt Cheap Discount Oil Change again and see if I can get some of my money back from them. They held my truck hostage until I paid the full amount they asked me for, so I couldn’t leave until they processed my credit card information and charged it the full amount-which was a lot. Maybe someone will at least answer the phone). (ring)
Hello, this is the answering service for the answering service that Dirt Cheap Discount Oil Changes, has subcontracted for the holiday season. If you think that you’ve reached this number in error, LEARN HOW TO DIAL A PHONE! If you haven’t and would like to talk to someone because your just lonely FIND SOME FRIENDS! If you have legitimate business with Dirt Cheap Discount Oil Changes, please leave a message and we will call you when Hel freezes….er as soon as we can. If you’d like, you are welcome to stay on the line for more prompt service. Have a nice day.
d.: (Well, this may take a while, but I want the promptest service possible. I’d better call Cal.E. and let her know so she won’t be expecting to see our blog on our website anytime soon. Now, where did I put my intergalactic phone…
here it is). (Ring)
C.: Hello, this is Calculating Einstein Katt….
d.: (Now I’m getting her voicemail, too?)!
C.: Hello? d.c., is that you?
d.: Yes, Cal.E. I got caught up doing something, so our blog will be suspended indefinitely…
C.: What days do I need to fill in for you?
d.: ??? Well, I know I can’t write it today…
C.: Fear not, like Mighty Mouse, I’m here to save the day!
d.: Cal.E, your probably light years away, so how can you write our blog?
C.: No sweat. I’m in ELAC’s time machine, remember? Even though I’m 76,282.637 light years away from Earth, I can set the timer to yesterday, study my options over night, and write the blog for today yesterday.
d.: ??? I suppose I have no choice. Do whatever you want to with today’s blog.
11/19/2024; 1900 hours
C.: Hello, and welcome to today’s edition of Cal.E.’s Korner. My cohost, d.c. scot isn’t available today, so I’ve booked a special guest. Ladies, gentlemen, nonbinary individuals and animals of all species and genders, please help me welcome Joe Groan!
“Hello, hey Joe, where you going?”
JG: Oh, oh, ooooh! I’m going to the nearest chair.
C.: Joe, I have it on good authority that Joe Groan isn’t your given name. Like so many in the entertainment industry, you’ve adopted a pseudonym. May I ask what your given name is?
JG.: Oh, oh, ooooh! And, I suppose next you’ll be asking for my social security number, date of birth and where I was born. That’s all you’d need to find out everything about me.
C.: No, well, let’s talk about how you came up with the pseudonym “Joe Groan.” I understand that it’s an interesting story.
d. Oh, oh, ooooh! Maybe to some people, but not to me.
C.: …And that’s all your going to say?
d.: Oh, oh, ooooh! Well, if you insist. My ex-wife and I were having an argument about her infidelity. She was from south of the border, so she had an accent. She started to leave the house, and I asked her where she was going. She said, “Anywhere you are not. Jo Groaning is driving my crazy! That should be your name. You accuse me of cheating, but you are always busy with your sports teams. Since you are too busy for me, I”ll find someone else.”
C.: And did she find someone else?
JG.: Yes.
C.: And, that’s the end of the story?
JG: No.
C.:...Would you like to elaborate?
JG.: Oh, oh, ooooh! That argument and my ex-wife’s words gave me an idea. I started a podcast talking about sports. It became popular, and I was picked up by a major radio network a short sixteen years later.
C.: Yes, I see that your show is the seventy-sixth most popular show on the one-hundred and twenty-second ranked radio network. That’s quite impressive.
J.G.: Thank you.
C.: … Well, you heard it here first, folks. It wasn’t Joe Groan that was unfaithful, it was his ex-wife. The argument that led to his divorce gave him and idea, and he went with it. Now, he’s a semi-successful radio host on a network no one has ever heard of.
That’s all the time we have for today, folks. Please join us tomorrow for another edition of Cal.E.’s Korner.*
*The preceding blog post was a fictional account. It does not depict an actual situation. No humans, politicians, talking cats, or any other types of animals were harmed during this production of this blog post.
As far as I know, there’s no such ting as a talking cat, much less a planet full of them. Also, there is no such thing as a time machine to my knowledge However, if someone were using one to corner the stock market or play the lottery, would s/he ever tell anyone?
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