Cal.E.'s Korner

d.: What? Dirt Cheap Discount Oil Changes is a rip-off! Not only will they not give someone a ride to and from home, but they charge extra for everything. This place proves the old saying, “if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.”

Let me look at my invoice. Let’s see, oil change ten dollars. That was the deal that I saw in the Houston newspaper, but they added onto it with everything, including taxes, which I expected.

However, they charged me for the oil, which is the most expensive oil on the market. I asked for the cheapest oil they had, but this is all they stock. They also charged me for the filter, which is apparently made of a precious metal, if it costs this much. They charged me labor for the mechanic that changed my oil, as well as a lift charge. They even charged me for parking, and they didn’t get around to changing the oil in my truck my truck until the four-hour free parking was over. This is ridiculous. I’m going to call them and give them a piece of my mind.

(ring). Hello ma’am, sire or nonbinary individual, this is Dirt Cheap Discount Oil, the cheapest oil change in Greater Houston. How may I be of service to you, my potential or present loyal customer?

d.: I want to talk to the manager, or someone in accounting.

I’m sorry ma’am sir, or nonbinary induvial, but our office is closed. It’s Sunday, and we’re off for the holidays until January second, 2025. If you’d like to waste your time and mine by leaving a message, feel free to do so at the (beep)

d.: This will never do. I need to investigate this company thoroughly, so I need to I.M. Cal.E. to tell her that I’ll email her to let her know that a text is coming to tell her to answer her phone. This investigation could take a while, so I hope that she’s free all week long.

Later that same day…

C.: Well, d.c. is otherwise occupied, so he left me in charge of the blog post today, but I have opposable thumbs. That makes it hard for me to type. However, I luckily learned how to use the voice command on my computer, so I'll be able to do what my partner asked me to do.

Today, I want to talk to y’all about my home planet. I just visited it in a time machine. It was made by my 33rd cousin twice removed, ELAC. She’s a scientist on her home planet, HTRAE, which is the direct opposite of Earth., and she’s my opposite.

ELAC came to this planet to rescue me, but she got hooked on catnip. It took putting her in rehab to correct the situation. Fortunately, I’d been through the same thing, so I coached her through it. After she was released from rehab, my cousin moved into Wayne Manor

my husband, Tucker Tucker Two, a.k.a. The Cat Fighter Formerly Known As The Tuxedo (who really needs a shorter nickname) Now Simply Known As T Because Triple T Was Already Taken to prevent a relapse, like I almost did last week.

I was under pressure for the leader of my galaxy to find an alternate energy source for my planet which is running out of power.

ELAC’s doing well. She's pacifist, but id also the best mercenary in the entire universe My forty-fourth cousin four times removed, Penny. She’s a high-priced lawyer for my planet but is raking in the dough now here on Earth. Penny has plenty of business

Well, Meow Z. Tongue, The Supreme Ruler of the Cat Galaxy

is calling me, and I’m sure that he wants to know how much hot air I’ve collected from politicians’ speeches they spread during campaign when running for office. Their speeches are all full of hot air, so my planet should survive for a long time. I have enough hot air to power my home planet for years to come, so I’d better hop into ELAC’s time machine and take it back to my home planet, so

that’s all the time we have for today, so I’ll see you tomorrow, or yesterday if I go too far back in time, right here on Cal.E.’s Korner.