C.: I just got a disturbing email from Meow Z. Tongue, the Supreme Ruler of the Cat Galaxy. I don’t know what to do, so I’ll call my best human friend on this planet, in the state of Texas, in Southeast portion of that state, in the Greater Houston area. (ring).
d.: Hello.
C.: Hi, d.c., it’s me, Cal.E….
d.: Hold on, Cal.E., I need to sign some papers to have a procedure done.
Sir, if you can sign here, here, here, here, and initial here, here here and here, we can get started.
C.: d.c., are you ill? Is that why you need this procedure?
d.: No, Cal.E.
Very well, sir. You are eighty-sixth in line to get the oil changed in your truck. We should be finished with it by the end of the weekend. Do you need a ride back to your home?
d.: Yes, please.
Very well, would you prefer a cab or an Uber?
d.: An Uber?
Fine, here is the number to call for an Uber. It shouldn’t cost more than the price of your oil change to get you back to your house.
d.: So, I’ll pay double the price you quoted me to have this done?
No, sir.
d.:???
Well, sir, you will need a ride back here to pick up your truck. I assume that, since no one is coming to pick you up, you don’t have a way to get back up here, either, so you’ll pay three times the amount of the oil change. Have a nice day.
d.: Well, that doesn’t sound right, but they already have my truck on a lift. I can’t leave in it now.
What can I help you with, Cal.E.?
C.: Do you remember when I told you that my planet would run out of energy in one million cat naps?
d.: Yes.
C.: Well, it’s been almost one-half that long, and no suitable replacement energy source has been found. I’m afraid for my native planet, the Planet of the Talking Cats, as well as this planet.
d.: Why are you afraid for this planet, Cal.E.?
C.: Because I was actually sent here by Meow Z. Tongue to commandeer an energy source and bring it back to POTTC. It runs on something that is found here on Earth.
d.: What energy source is it, natural gas?
C.: No.
d.: Petroleum?
C.: Well, no.
d.: Then is it diesel fuel?
C.: No.
d.: Gasoline?
C.: No
d.: Is it jet fuel that is made out of corn? That’s an easily renewable resource.
C.: No.
d.: Is it electricity, then?
C.: It’s not that either.
d.: Then, what is it?
C.: The hot air that politicians produce every four years when they’re running for office.
d.: I see. Well, that’s an easily renewable resource, and useless to us earthlings, so feel free to take all you need and come back for more anytime you’d like to get some more. There are other elections besides the presidential one with enough hot air to power your home planet for years to come.
C.: That’s a relief. I suppose that I should get to work now, so that’s all the time we have for today, folks. Please join us tomorrow for another episode of Cal.E.’s Korner.*
*The preceding blog post was a fictional account. It does not depict an actual situation. No humans, politicians, talking cats, or any other types of animals were harmed during this production of this blog.
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