C.: d.c., I’m in trouble.
d.: Why is that, my fine female feline friend?
C.: Because my third husband, Tucker Tucker Two, a.k.a. The Cat Fighter Formerly Known As The Tuxedo (who really needs a shorter nickname) Now Simply Known As T Because Triple T Was Already Taken, holder of championship belts in five different heavy weight categories of Cat Fighting, wants me to get my nails done.
d.: Why is that a problem, Cal.E.?
C.: Because they may be repossessed if I get them filed and painted.
d.: Explain, please.
C.: Well, when I first came to Earth, I wasn’t familiar with how gravity worked on this planet. I jumped off the refrigerator and felt myself falling, so I dug my claws into the kitchen island. I dug into the countertop so hard that Mom and Dad had to call a special vet. to come out and unstick me.
d.: Okay.
C.: Well, he had to declaw me to do that, because I had sunk my claws into the countertop so far.
d.: And?
C.: Well, after that, I felt strange without my claws, so I had some artificial ones made. Back then, I wasn’t married to a meowoinnare, so I didn’t finish all 377 payments for my artificial nails. I’m afraid if I get my nails done and they recognize me, they’ll make me pay the 376 payments I still owe them, plus interest.
d.: Can't you just tell T what happened and ask him to pay for your claws?
C.: I would, but T’s always complimenting me on my claws, and how pretty they are, so I don’t want to dissolution him. Lately, though, he’s been saying that he wants me to get them treated because they look a little worn. I don’t know what to do, unless…
d.: That’s all the time we have for today, folks. Please join us tomorrow for another episode of Cal.E.’s Korner.
And, on this day that we set aside to recognize those who have served in the U.S. Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines and Space Force, THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE!
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