Cal.E.'s Korner

I fought the law and the law won

I fought the law and the law won

I needed money 'cause I had none

I fought the law and the law won

I fought the law and the law won

I left my baby and I feel so sad

I guess my race is run

Well, she's the best girl I've ever had

I fought the law and the law won

I fought the law and the law won

A-robbin' people with a six-gun

I fought the law and the law won

I fought the law and the law won

I miss my baby and-a good fun

I fought the law and the law won

I fought the law and the law won

I left my baby and I feel so bad

I guess my race is run

Well, she's the best girl I've ever had

I fought the law and the law won

I fought the law and the law won

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: Sonny Curtis

I Fought the Law lyrics © Sony/atv Acuff Rose Music

d.: Well, it looks like Cal.E. has run into some trouble during her campaign for Ruler of the Planet of the Talking Cats. Her opponent, Ronald Dump is accusing her of making a fake social media account. He says that she’s been using that account to make statements that are hurtful to her campaign and attributing them to her opponent in an attempt to make him look bad and sway the voting in November. He’s asked for a hearing of the Higher Court of Cats to ask that Cal.E. be disqualified from the race and declare him the winner.

Cal.E. has called her forty-fourth cousin twice removed, Penny, to help her defend herself. Penny is an excellent (and expensive) lawyer, but she’s agreed to take Cal.E.’s case on a pro bono basis because she considers Cal.E. to be part of her family. Penny has rehearsed with Cal.E. what she should say if she’s called upon to defend herself in the High Court of Cats, which has only one judge.

I have my computer at just the right angle to pick up signals from POTTC, and my computer has an app. on it that will translate the proceedings that are about to start on Cal.E.’s native planet from Catonese to English. Let’s listen to the hearing.

Head Cat: You, Calculating Einstein Katt, have been accused of creating a fake social media account and using it to sway the voter’s minds in the next election for ruler of this planet. How do you plead?

Penny: Your honor, my client states that she had no such knowledge of any account fitting this description existing.

Head Cat: I would like to hear your client speak for herself, please counselor.

C.: I had no such knowledge, your excellency.

Head Cat: You may just address me as judge and decider of all things, Ms. Katt. Now, did you or did you not have your campaign manager accuse you of lying about your status as a queen cat, when you are actually a Molly?

C.: What’s a Molly?

HC: A queen cat who has…lost her ability to have kittens…

C.: Sir, I’m not that old!

HC.: No, I mean surgically.

C.: I plead the fifth amendment.

HC.: What’s the fifth amendment?

Penny: We aren’t on Earth, Cal.E.,  or in America. POTTC has no fifth amendment. Please answer the head cat.

C.: I had no such knowledge.

HC.: Of what, exactly?

P.: She just means that she had no such knowledge of any social media account existing in her name other than the one she shares with her friend on Earth, d.c. scot.

HC. Who is d.c. scot? And what is this planet "Earth" that you speak of? We are the center of the universe. This is the only planet that exists!

C.: I have no knowledge of such a person existing.

HC. : What’s a person?

P.: Er… it’s an inhabitant of another planet. My client has a vivid imagination.

HC.: …Moving on. Did you or did you not accuse your opponent of being a gib?

C.: What’s a gib?

P.: (It’s a tom cat who has lost his…)

C.: Oh, got it. I had no such knowledge.

HC.: Of what?

P.: What my client is trying to say is that she doesn’t know the…orientation of her opponent. 

C.: I have no such knowledge.

HC.: Of what?

C.: I’m sorry, I don’t recall.

HC.: Well, I don’t think that you’re capable of doing what you’re accused of doing, Ms. Katt. However, I would like to have you held over for a psychological evaluation. If you can pass that, you will be allowed to run for Ruler of the Planet of the Talking Cats. 

C.: Parting is such sweet, sweet sorrow….

P.: (Give it a rest, Cal.E. You must now pass your psych eval, and this isn’t helping).