I never meant to cause you any sorrow
I never meant to cause you any pain
I only wanted one time to see you laughing
I only wanted to see you
Laughing in the purple rain
Purple rain, purple rain
I only want to see you
Laughing in the purple rain
Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Prince Rogers Nelson
Purple Rain lyrics © Controversy Music
Tux.: Oh, woe is me. I'm singing the blues.
d.: What’s the matter, Tucker Tucker Two, a.k.a. The Cat Fighter Formerly Known As The Tuxedo (who really needs a shorter nickname) Now Simply Known As T Because Triple T Was Already Taken? Is your training not going well?
Tux.: My training is going fine. However, to be the champion of the mixed-gender heavyweight category of cat fighting, I must have a partner. I hold championship belts in four heavyweight cat fighting categories, so this is my last challenge. I need Cal.E. here to train with me so that I can fight this one more fight and retire, but she left without an explanation.
d.: I know why, but I don’t think it’s my place to tell you. I can call Cal.E. on my intergalactic facetime app. on my Smartphone Infinity and we can both talk to her, though.
Tux.: That would be swell.
d.: (Ring) Cal.E., I have your husband, Tucker Tucker Two, a.k.a. The Cat Fighter Formerly Known As The Tuxedo (who really needs a shorter nickname) Now Simply Known As T Because Triple T Was Already Taken here, and he’d like to talk to you.
C.: Well, I’m a little busy with running a campaign to try to control a whole planet, but I have a few seconds. What do you want to talk about, T.?
Tux.: Why did you leave me?
C.: I didn’t. I left a note explaining everything.
Tux.: Do you mean the note you left on my pillow saying ‘goodbye’?
C.: Oh, whoops. I left you the wrong one. It should have said tata for now. That one was meant for Mom and Dad if it was wet with my tears.
Tux.: Well, the ink was a little smugded…
C.: Yes, from my tears. I’ll miss y’all but this is for the greater good.
Tux: Explain, please.
C.: Well, Meow Z. Tongue, the Supreme Ruler of the Cat Galaxy, came to me and asked me to run against my ex-husband, King Tom, since he’s beginning to show signs of senility in his eighth life. That meant, if he won the election in November, he would be a senile ruler of the Planet of the Talking Cats for his ninth life. The only cat who had a chance to beat him, Meow felt, was me, because I haven’t been on the planet in four years, so I haven’t ticked anyone off lately.
Tux.: Can anyone else beat him?
C.: Well, there was one guy who was going to run as ‘No Thanks To All Choices’, but Tom found out where he lived and eliminated him. I’m under Meow’s protection, though, so don’t worry about me.
Tux.: Is anyone else running for Ruler of the Planet of the Talking Cats?
C.: Yes, a Johnny-Come-Lately named Ronald Dump. He’s a meowionnaire, just like you are, so he’s going to be tough to beat because he has enough money to run a good campaign. I must get to campaigning now, so ttfn.
Tux.: ???
C.: Er.. tata for now, Tux. I’ll see you when I’m done. (click)
Tux.: Wow, what an encouraging phone call!
d.:?? You do know that this means that, if she’s elected, Cal.E. will be on the Planet of the Talking Cats, running it from a lifetime.
Tux.: Yes, but I’m still on my first life, so I’ll have eight more to spend with my one true love…d.c., do you know how many lives Cal.E. has left?
d.: …That’s all the time we have for today, folks. Please join us tomorrow for another episode of Cal.E.’s Korner.
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