That's great, it starts with an earthquake
Birds and snakes, and aeroplanes
And Lenny Bruce is not afraid
Eye of a hurricane, listen to yourself churn
World serves its own needs
Don't mis-serve your own needs
Speed it up a notch, speed, grunt, no, strength
The ladder starts to clatter
With a fear of height, down, height
Wire in a fire, represent the seven games
And a government for hire and a combat site
Left her, wasn't coming in a hurry
With the Furies breathing down your neck
Team by team, reporters baffled, trumped, tethered, cropped
Look at that low plane, fine, then
Uh oh, overflow, population, common group
But it'll do, save yourself, serve yourself
World serves its own needs, listen to your sun bleed
Tell me with the Rapture and the reverent in the right, right
You vitriolic, patriotic, slam fight, bright light
Feeling pretty psyched
It's the end of the world as we know it
It's the end of the world as we know it
It's the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine
Six o'clock, T.V. hour, don't get caught in foreign tower
Slash and burn, return, listen to yourself churn
Lock him in uniform, book burning, bloodletting
Every motive escalate, automotive incinerate
Light a candle, light a motive, step down, step down
Watch your heel crush, crush, uh oh
This means no fear, cavalier, renegade and steering clear
A tournament, a tournament, a tournament of lies
Offer me solutions, offer me alternatives and I decline
It's the end of the world as we know it (I had some time alone)
It's the end of the world as we know it (I had some time alone)
It's the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine (time I had some time alone)
I feel fine (I feel fine)
It's the end of the world as we know it (time I had some time alone)
It's the end of the world as we know it (time I had some time alone)
It's the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine (time I had some time alone)
The other night I drifted nice continental drift divide
Mountains sit in a line, Leonard Bernstein
Leonid Brezhnev, Lenny Bruce and Lester Bangs
Birthday party, cheesecake, jellybean, boom
You symbiotic, patriotic, slam but neck, right, right
It's the end of the world as we know it (time I had some time alone)
It's the end of the world as we know it (time I had some time alone)
It's the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine (time I had some time alone)
It's the end of the world as we know it
It's the end of the world as we know it
It's the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine (time I had some time alone)
It's the end of the world as we know it (time I had some time alone)
It's the end of the world as we know it (time I had some time alone)
It's the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine (time I had some time alone)
It's the end of the world as we know it (time I had some time alone)
It's the end of the world as we know it (time I had some time alone)
C.: Well, d.c. is trying to find Meow Z. Tongue to keep him from ending the Earth’s existence after I sent Meow a report that said that the planet had no redeeming qualities. Before that, though, Meow had asked me to return to my home planet and run a campaign to be elected Ruler of the Planet of the Talking Cats against my ex-husband, King Tom. Meow is the Supreme Ruler of the Cat Galaxy, and he thinks that Tom has lost his mind, so Meow wants him replaced.
d.c. is incognito because he doesn’t want anyone to know what he’s doing. Telling people that he’s looking for a giant talking cat to save the earth’s existence could land him in a mental facility.
If you’re wondering how I’m able to bring y’all this blog today, I was able to connect with our website from my home planet. That was because all the planets are in alignment, but I don’t know how long that’s going to last. Today, though, while my campaign manager is coming up with a strategy for me to defeat my ex-husband and d.c. is no where to be found, I’ll let my mind wander while I have some idle time.
“If Meow Z. Tongue is the Supreme Ruler of the Cat Galaxy, why can’t he just make Tom abdicate his throne and appoint me the Ruler of the Planet of the Talking Cats? Isn’t that what Supreme Ruler means, that no one else can tell him what to do or how to run the galaxy?
“And, if stainless steel scalpel blades can expire, can stainless steel flat ware expire, too? What if I’m using my fork to eat, and it suddenly expires? What happens then? Does the fork fold and the food drop to my plate?
“Speaking of expiring, why do humans say that a person did that when he or she dies? Did the person saying that read the other person’s expiration date and assume that was why the other person died?
“And (ring) oh, hold on, it’s my new husband, Tucker Tucker Two, a.k.a. The Cat Fighter Formerly Known As The Tuxedo (who really needs a shorter nickname) Now Simply Known As T Because Triple T Was Already Taken. He’s running his own campaign for President of the United States, so I’m surprised he had the time to make an intergalactic phone call.
“Hi, honey, how is your campaign going?”
T. “Not so well. It seems that, to be considered for POTUS, one must be at least thirty-five years old, and there are no exceptions for species…”
C.: “Wow! If a cat were alive for that long, s/he would be 245 years old in human years. That would be an old cat, wouldn’t it?”
T.: “Yes, well, how is your campaign going, Cal.E.?”
C.: “Well, my campaign manager has me ahead in the polls by 0.00000000019 percentage points, but I’m afraid it may be a much closer race than that.”
T.: “Well, at least your ahead, that’s a good thing–”
C.: “You mean for a queen cat who’s running against an incumbent tom cat?!”
T.: “No, that’s not what I meant–”
C.: “Oh, then do you mean for a recovering catnip addict?”
T.,: “No, that’s not what I meant either—”C.: “Then, do you mean for an obedience school drop out who went back to school and then had to have her husband help her obtain her Doctorate in Playing and Hiding from the College of the Cat Skills?!!”
T.: “No, that’s not what I meant, either—”
C.: “Then, do you mean for an aging queen cat who has a bit of a problem keeping her weight at her ideal for her length and height?!”
T.: “Er…That’s all the time we have for today, folks. Please join us tomorrow for another episode of Cal.E.’s Korner.”
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