Now look at them yo-yos, that's the way you do itYou play the guitar on the MTVThat ain't workin', that's the way you do itMoney for nothin' and your chicks for free
Now that ain't workin', that's the way you do itLemme tell ya, them guys ain't dumbMaybe get a blister on your little fingerMaybe get a blister on your thumb
We got to install microwave ovens, custom kitchen deliveriesWe got to move these refrigerators, we got to move these color TVs
See the little faggot with the earring and the make upYeah, buddy, that's his own hairThat little faggot got his own jet airplaneThat little faggot, he's a millionaire
We got to install microwave ovens, custom kitchen deliveriesWe got to move these refrigerators, we gotta move these color TVs
We got to install microwave ovens, custom kitchen deliveriesWe got to move these refrigerators, we got to move these color TVsLooky here, look out
I shoulda learned to play the guitarI shoulda learned to play them drumsLook at that mama, she got it stickin' in the camera manWe could have some
And he's up there, what's that?Hawaiian noises?Bangin' on the bongos like a chimpanzeeThat ain't workin', that's the way you do itGet your money for nothin', get your chicks for free
We got to install microwave ovens, custom kitchen deliveriesWe got to move these refrigerators, we gotta move these color TVs
Listen hereNow that ain't workin' that's the way you do itYou play the guitar on the MTVThat ain't workin', that's the way you do itMoney for nothin' and your chicks for freeMoney for nothin', chicks for freeGet your money for nothin' and your chicks for freeOoh, money for nothin', chicks for freeMoney for nothin', chicks for free (money, money, money)Money for nothin', chicks for freeGet your money for nothin', get your chicks for freeGet your money for nothin' and the chicks for freeGet your money for nothin' and the chicks for free
Look at that, look at thatGet your money for nothin' (I want my, I want my)Chicks for free (I want my MTV)Money for nothin', chicks for free (I want my, I want my, I want my MTV)Get your money for nothin' (I want my, I want my)And the chicks for free (I want my MTV)Get your money for nothin' (I want my, I want my)And the chicks for free (I want my MTV)Easy, easy money for nothin' (I want my, I want my)Easy, easy chicks for free (I want my MTV)Easy, easy money for nothin' (I want my, I want my)Chicks for free (I want my MTV)That ain't workin'
Money for nothing, chicks for freeMoney for nothing, chicks for free
Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Gordon Sumner / Mark Knopfler
Money For Nothing lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group
C.: it’s still raining purple rain,
so what do you want to do, d.c.?
d.: Yes, and the hail is coming through my roof. Let's move to the t.v. room, because there's a documentary on television, but it’s listed in Zulu time. My watch will tell me what time it is in every time zone in the world, but I cannot figure out Zulu time.
C.: Oh, it’s simple. All you must do is take the present time, add four hours, since we live in the Central Time Zone of North America, dividedby two. Then, you must multiply by the square root of twenty and divide by Pi. It’s so simple that I can do the math in my head.
d.: Okay, then, if it’s four o’clock here, what time does this program start?
C.: Let’s see, one, zero, zero, one…now!
d.: Oh, yes, here it is on channel 222222.22, just like you said. It’s called What Commercials Would Be Like If Truth In Advertising Was Real” Since we can’t do anything outside, let’s watch this show.
C.: d.c., that person lookds like your alter ego.
Hello, folks, and welcome to our annual “going out of business” sale. eEveryth8ing in the store is one-half the usual price, after we doubled our prices yesterday. And, if you can guess what the price is in 1973 money, you get it free, free, free, after paying tax, title, and ADP.
We’ll be right back after these messages from our cheapskate sponsors.
C.: Now that there’s a commercial during this show about commercials, I have some questions, d.c.
d.: What are your interrogative statements derived to gather information, Cal.E.?
C.: Okay, first of all what’s ADP? And, since I’m assuming that you were an adult in 1973, what does 1973 have to do with the price of furniture?
d.: I was still a mere elementary student in 1973, Cal.E., but I do know why those two things are relevant. ADP stands for “Additional Dealer Profit,” so it can be anything the merchant wants it to be. And 1973 was the last year that the U.S. treasury had enough gold to back to amount of currency in distribution. It what might be called “real money” or the price minus inflation.
C.: Okay, the show about commercials is through showing its commercials, so let’s watch it again.
Hello, and welcome back to What Commercials Would Be Like If Truth In Advertising Were Real.”
Salesman: Hello, folks, and welcome to Ulysses’ Used Cars, where buyer beware is more than just a slogan, it’s our slogan. How may I be of service to you, ma’am, sir, or nonbinary individual?
d.: (Since Bill billichik couldn't get a job in the NFL afte rhe got fired from the Patriots, he's sleing used cars? There really is just in the world.)
Androgenous customer: I want a red car.
S.: Very well. We have red convertibles,
not red pickups,
and red heaps. Which one do you think that you can afford?
A.C.: I don’t know. I don’t have much money, so I guess the heap.
S.: Well, you don’t need to pay for the whole car today. We can finance what you can’t give us in a downpayment. The interest rate is only one percent per month, compounded daily.
A.C.: Do you mean that your interest rate is twelve percent a year? My bank will finance an unsecured loan at one-half that.
S.: Well, you look like a nice man, woman, or nonbinary individual, so I’ll match the bank’s loan offer, but only with a substantial downpayment.
A.C.: How much is the downpayment for the heap?
S.: How much do you have?
A.C.: I only have five hundred dollars in my checking account, but that must buy groceries and pay my part of the rent. I don’t get paid until the end of the month, and I may need gas for my car if I buy it..:
S,. Well, coincidentally, that is the exact price of the downpayment for the fine automobile. So, if you’ll just sign here, here, here, here, here, and here, you have a deal.
A.C.: What happens if I miss a payment?
S.: Since you just signed all these documents, we’ll be authorized to come in the middle of the night and take your car, put a lien on your house and take your wife and firstborn child until you can pay us.
A.C.: I’m single with no kids, and I rent my home.
S.: Then, I suppose we’ll need to garnish your wages until you pay us back.
A.C.: I don’t have a job.
S.: Then we’ll tell all your friends and family that you’re a welch.
A.C.: I’m an unpopular orphan with no living relatives and no friends.
S.: We’ll think of something, so don’t miss a payment.
A.C.: I think I want to change my mind.
S.: Would you like a more expensive model?
A.C.: No, I just want to go home.
S.: That isn’t possible right now. When you gave us the keys to your old car, our porter took it out for a spin. Hell bring it back when he empties the gas tank, so you won’t have any choice but to drive one of our vehicles off the lot.
A.C.: Do they have gas in them?
S.: That’s all the time we have for today, folks. Please join us tomorrow for another episode of…this blog.