On a warm summer's evening
On a train bound for nowhere
I met up with the gambler
We were both too tired to sleep
So we took turns a-starin'O
ut the window at the darknessT
he boredom overtook usAnd he began to speak
He said, "Son, I've made a life
Out of readin' people's faces
Knowin' what the cards were
By the way they held their eyes
So if you don't mind my sayin'
I can see you're out of aces
For a taste of your whiskey
I'll give you some advice"
So I handed him my bottle
And he drank down my last swallow
Then he bummed a cigarette
And asked me for a light
And the night got deathly quiet
And his face lost all expression
Said, "If you're gonna play the game, boy
You gotta learn to play it right
You've got to know when to hold 'em
Know when to fold 'em
Know when to walk away
And know when to run
You never count your money
When you're sittin' at the table
There'll be time enough for countin'W
hen the dealin's done
Every gambler knows
That the secret to survivin'
Is knowin' what to throw away
And knowin' what to keep
'Cause every hand's a winner
And every hand's a loser
And the best that you can hope for
Is to die in your sleep"
And when he'd finished speakin'
He turned back toward the window
Crushed out his cigaretteFaded off to sleep
And somewhere in the darkness
The gambler he broke even
But in his final words
I found an ace that I could keep
You've got to know when to hold 'em
Know when to fold 'em
Know when to walk away
And know when to run
You never count your money
When you're sittin' at the table
There'll be time enough for countin'
When the dealin's done
You've got to know when to hold 'em
(when to hold 'em)
Know when to fold 'em
(when to fold 'em)
Know when to walk away
And know when to run
You never count your money
When you're sittin' at the table
There'll be time enough for countin'
When the dealin's done
You've got to know when to hold 'em
Know when to fold 'em
Know when to walk away
And know when to run
You never count your money
When you're sittin' at the table
There'll be time enough for countin'
When the dealin's done
Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Don Schlitz
The Gambler lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC
Meow: I need you to do something for me Cal.E.
C.: Well, you are the supreme ruler of the cat galaxy, so that technically makes you my boss, since I’m originally from The Planet of the Talking Cats. What can I do for you, your immenseness?
M.: IMMINENCE! ANYWAY, I NEED YOU TO THROW YOUR AND T’S NEXT CAT FIGHTING MATCH.
C.: Meow, you do realize that pro cat fighting is rigged, don’t you? It’s pure acting and entertainment, just like a television show.
M.: DO YOU MEAN THAT PROFESSIONAL CAT FIGHTING ISN’T REAL?!
C.: Yes, that’s precisely what I mean.
M.: IF IT’S NOT REAL, WHY ARE YOU TORTURING YOURSELF TRAINING FOR YOUR NEXT TAG TEAM CAT FIGHTING MATCH?
C.: Well…the producers still want us to look good, even if we aren’t really cat fighting. When T wins his individual bouts by knockout with one punch, it gives the announcer time to interview him.
M.: BUT HE USUALLY ONLY ANSWERS “YES” OR “NO” QUESTIONS. HOW DOES THAT HELP RATINGS?
C.: It adds to his schtick. T isn’t supposed to be likable, but domineering. If viewers knew what a sweetheart my husband, Tucker Tucker Two, a.k.a. The Cat Fighter Formerly Known As The Tuxedo (who really needs a shorter nickname) Now Simply Known As T Because Triple T Was Already Taken is, they would like him, and the cat fights wouldn’t be as interesting. Everyone on this planet wants to root for the underdog. I suppose that’s one reason that d.c.’s favorite team, the Astros, get booed a lot when they play on the road.
M.: WHY DO PEOPLE ROOT FOR LOSERS ON THIS PLANET?
C.: Do yourself a favor, and watch the original Rocky movie, and then watch some “Peanuts” cartoons. Everyone on this planet can relate to Charlie Brown, because they feel that they’re at a disadvantage most of the time. Rocky was a hero because he stood up to someone powerful and held his own.
M.: I SAW THE MOVIE ROCKY. HE LOST THE FIGHT. I THOUGHT IT WAS A BAD MOVIE
C.: It won several awards, including best picture the year it came out. I suppose that people on this planet think differently than talking cats do. Anyway, speaking of losing, why do you want T and me to throw our next fight? No one would believe it, anyway, because T holds championship belts in five different heavy weight categories of cat fighting, and I’m me!
M.: I’VE RUN INTO SOME FINANCIAL PROBLEMS. I OWE A POWERFUL CAT ON THIS PLANET A LARGE AMOUNT OF MONEY, AND I DON’T HAVE IT.
C.: Meow, did you, by any chance, get hooked on catnip?
M.: Yes…it’s so good, and it makes me feel even more powerful than I already am. I wanted more and more until I ran out of money. Then, my dealer said that he would give me some on credit. He sent me here to ask you to throw the cat fight. He said if I did that and he won his bet, I wouldn’t owe him anything. He has a large amount of money bet on the y’all’s opponent. I’m ashamed of myself. I didn’t know what else to do, though, because I need another fix.
C.: Well, catnip affects alien cats differently from the cats that are native to this planet. We get hooked more easily than Earth cats. My cousin, ELAC, a very smart cat from the planet HTRAE, where everything is the opposite of what it is here even got hooked on it, and so did I. We both liked the way we felt when we ate catnip so much that we each had to be institutionalized in The Kennel. The Kennel workers gave us Trazadone until we stopped craving catnip. I still get a hankering for it occasionally, though.
M.: SINCE PROFESSIONAL CAT FIGHTING ISN’T REAL, WHAT AM I GOING TO DO, CAL.E.?
C.: Fortunately for you, Meow Z. Tongue, Supreme Ruler of the Cat Universe, I know someone very powerful that can help you.
M.: YOUR HUSBAND?
C.: No, T’s powerful. He’s rich and is a champion cat fighter, and he’s good at… a lot of things.
M.: LIKE WHAT?
C.: Cat Fighting (obviously), Pool, Pong!, racquetball, tennis, horseshoes. Anyway, I know someone even better…
d.: Well, that’s all the time we have for today, folks. Please join us tomorrow for another episode of Cal.E.’s Korner.
And, remember kids,
(or at all).
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