Well, I lay my head on the railroad track
Waiting on the Double E
But the train don't run by here no more
Poor, poor, pitiful me
Poor, poor, pitiful mePoor, poor, pitiful me
Oh, these boys won't let me be
Lord have mercy on meWhoa, woe is me
Well, I met a man out in Hollywood
Now I ain't naming namesWell, he really worked me over good
Just like Jesse James
Yes, he really worked me over good
He was a credit to his gender
Put me through some changes, Lord
Sort of like a Waring blender
Poor, poor, pitiful me
Poor, poor, pitiful me
Oh, these boys won't let me beLord have mercy on me
Whoa, woe is me
Well, I met a boy in The Vieux Carré
Down in Yokohama
He picked me up and he threw me down
He said, "Please don't hurt me mama"
Poor, poor, pitiful me
Poor, poor, pitiful me
Oh, these boys won't let me beLord have mercy on me
Whoa, woe is me
Poor, poor, poor me
Poor, poor, pitiful mePoor, poor, poor me
Poor, poor, pitiful mePoor, poor, poor me
Poor, , poor, pitiful me
Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Warren Zevon
Poor Poor Pitiful Me lyrics © Warner-tamerlane Publishing Corp., Zevon Music, Darkroom Music, Songs Of Universal Inc
C.: Oh, woe is me, d.c.
d.: Why do you say that, Cal.E.?
C.: Because I have nothing to do all day and all night.
d.: I thought that you were training to cat fight with your new husband, five-time heavyweight cat fighting champion Tucker Tucker Two, a.k.a. the Cat Fighter Formerly Known As The Tuxedo (who really needs a shorter nickname) Now Simply Known As T, Because Triple T was already Taken.
C.: No.
d.: What happened?
C.: Oh, Tucker just got tired of training a cat that wasn’t in his class.
d.: Well, I though that you were filling in for Ralph at The Kennel every Sunday night while he toured as the bass player for Beauty and the Blowfish…
C.: I think you mean the bass player, d.c.
d.: That’s what I said. Anyway, did Ralph quit the band?
C.: No, but the tour will be over in a couple of weeks, and then I won’t have anything else to do but worry.
d.: What do you worry about, Cal.E.?
C.: Well, I worry that Ralph’s tour bus will fall off a bridge if the driver is imbibing in catnip with the rest of the band, and I worry that Jodie will be taken advantage of (again). I worry that Sixto’s legs are too long, and I worry that Beyonce’s are too short. I worry that our unit of The Kennel will close and no one will hire my kittens to work for them because they’re all too lazy. That would mean that all fourteen of them would move in with my new husband and me. Tucker has never had kittens, so he may not want to live in a house with fourteen kittens, although their forty-two and Wayne Manor is large enough to accommodate a family of twenty.
Then, sometimes I worry that I worry too much. If worrying was an Olympic sport, I would be a five-time gold medal winner. It’s enough to make me go back to eating catnip obsessively.
d.: It sounds like you’re suffering from the curse of being a good parent, Cal.E. We all worry about our offspring, even if they’ve moved out of our houses and gotten on with their lives. But, instead of eating catnip, why don’t you try doing something constructive to occupy your mind and your time?
C.: Like what?
d.: you could work for a charity.
C.: I’m a CAT! What charity would want a cat working for it?
d.: Hmm, I see what you mean. Maybe, since you can now concentrate, you could go back and finish obedience school.
C.: I would, but there was one thing that kept me from earning my degree at Pets Enamored To Some.
d.: What one thing kept you from graduating from obedience school and getting your PETS degree, Cal.E.?
C.: My grades.
d.: What would it take to get you back into obedience school?
C.: I need to write a letter to the administration and ask them to let me back in. I’ve already thought about going back, so I started a rough draft of my readmission letter. I’ll text you what I have so far.
d.: ”Let me back into obedience school or I will scratch your eyeballs out.”
I think that your letter needs some work. Let me work on it for you. I had to write one of these after I dropped out of RN school to have brain surgery...
C.: Which time?
d.: I'm sorry, I don't recall. Let me work on this tonight, and I'll have it back to you tomorrow.
C.: So, since your so busy working two jobs and taking two classes, I guess that we’re out of time for today. Please join us tomorrow for another episode of Cal.E.’s Korner.
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