Ralph: a one, a two, a one, two, three, four…
Houston has the Astros
The greatest baseball team
They hit the ball from line to line
And homer in between
Their batters are amazing
Their pitchers are sublime
They make Rob Manfred miserable
By winning all the time
We’re the…
Houston Astros
Houston Astros
Houston Astros number one
The last series was approaching
With the playoffs on the line
But real Astros fans knew
That, somehow,
we’d be just fine
We’re the…
Houston Astros
Houston Astros
Houston Astros number one
Houston won the pennant
Was there ever any doubt
That when the it counted most
And the Astros had to win it,
They’d make the Commissioner pout
We’re the…
Houston Astros
Houston Astros
Houston Astros number one
Ken Jennings: Hello, and welcome to today’s edition of Animal Jeopardy. Today, we have Ms. Calculating Einstein Katt, a.k.a. Mrs. Tucker Tucker Two, the wife of five-time heavyweight cat fighting champion Tucker Tucker Two.
Her opponent is none other than The Original Triple T, Tom the Tabby, her husband, Tucker Tucker Two, a.k.a. The Cat Fighter Formerly Known as The Tuxedo (who really needs a shorter nickname) Now Simply Known As T, Because Triple T was already Taken's arch rival,
Both of the participants have graciously decided to donate all of their winnings to their favorite pet organization. In both cases, that charity is Pets Without Parents. Good luck to you both.
Okay, Cal.E., ladies first. What category would you like to start with?
C.: I thought you were smart, Ken.
KJ.: ??!!
C.: You just ended a sentence with a preposition.
KJ: Pick a category, please.
C.: Okay, Ken, I’ll take Baseball Bingo for 2023, in honor of the baseball playoffs starting today.
KJ: And the answer is “A complete baseball…”
C.: (beep) Who are the Houston Astros?
KJ: You didn’t let me finish the question, but I must accept your answer…
C.: I mean, who are the Astros, really? Are they the team who finished with a losing record at home, or the road warriors that swept a very good Arizona Diamonbacks team when their backs were against the wall?
Are they the team that looked lost for most of the first part of the season, or are they the team that finally put it all together when they had to?
We all know who Dusty Baker is. He’s the perfect manager for the Astros, and he’s been involved with Major League Baseball for over fifty years. We all know who Jose Altuve is. He’ll probably end his career as the leading home run hitter in baseball playoffs history. But who is Alex Bregman? Is he the clutch player who comes through when he must, or is he the player who batted .182 during the last month of the season?
And who is Jose Abreu? Is he the player who didn’t hit a home run until the season was almost one-half over, or is he the guy who almost single-handedly destroyed the Diamondbacks?
And who is Martin Maldonado? Is he the “Manager on the Field” that all the pitchers like to call their games, or is he the seemingly lost soul we see when he’s at bat?
Who is Kyle Tucker? Is he a 30/30 guy, or a 29 ¾/ 30 guy?
And who is Yordon Alvarez? Is he the “Man Without a Position,” as the Los Angeles Dodgers claimed, when they traded him to the Astros for fifty g’s and a washed up releif pitcher, or is he the adequate left fielder and awesome batter who has stabilized the middle of the Astros’ batting order?
And who are we, really? Are we just insignificant specks of dust, hurtling helplessly through eternity, or are we more…?
KJ.: No, sorry. The correct answer is: “What is nine innings?” The answer was “A complete baseball game.” That means that all the money goes to Triple T, and his favorite charity. Thanks for playing “Animal Jeopardy.”
Comments