Cal.E.'s Korner

C.: While d.c. is fixing his computer, I have time to answer my fan mail.

Let me see… I’ll start with this one… NO! And the same to you!. And this one…maybe, under the right circumstances…and to this one NOT ON YOUR LIFE!! And this one, well, this actually is fan mail. It says, “Hi, Cal.E., you beautiful, intelligent, humble cat. If you received this email, that means that you are stuck on an alien planet where you don’t know the language or customs…”

I suppose I wrote that years ago when I first crash landed here on this strange planet. Little did I know at the time that I would meet the love of my life, (thank you for helping me with these emails) my third husband (and second here on earth,  the eight-time World Association of Cat-fighting and Knowledge of Ornithology cat fighting champion of the world, Tucker Tucker Two a,k.a.

The Cat Fighter Formerly Known As The Tuxedo (who really needs a shorter nickname) Now Simply Known As T Because Triple T Was Already Taken (by T’s former BFF, cofounder with the Triple T Cartel, WACKO tag-team cat fighting partner and now chief rival for T’s WACKO championship belts and nemesis in real life and now best friend again after T beat him for the WACKO middleweight cat-fighting title

and then woke him up and gave him a delicious Planet of the Talking Cats Cat Treats.

T won two treats and one meow-illion dollars

for beating The Original Tripel T, Tom the Tabby

in their last cat fight),

I also didn’t know that my old leader in the Cat Galaxy, Meow Z. Tongue

would be deposed and land here on Earth after he was put in a spaceship and ejected from his old place of business. He was a harsh and, in my opinion, unfair leader. However, he’s now a lap cat for a sweet, gentle od lady

who caters to his every whim. I suppose life isn’t so different for him, but it is for me.

I’ve become a math genius after staring at a can of concentrated orange juice

in the refrigerator in Aye Manor for ten hours, and I have friends and family here. I still miss my old foster parents

and my first husband, King Tom,

but there is no way for Meow or me to get back to where we once were royalty. Well, life’s not all bad. T says that he has a surprise for me when I get home. I hope it’s a new car. Lamborghinis are fun to drive! Well, T will probably get me something more pratical, though.

I cannot wait to get home to see what T did for me, so I’ll close this blog post now. That’s the end of this cat ta(i)le.

Please join us next time for another edition of Cal.E.’s Korner.