Cal.E.'s Kittens at the Cat Olympics

Ladies, Gentlemen, non-binary individuals and animals of all descriptions; we have, for your enternmeant,Cal.E.'s Kittens Take on the Cat Olympics

After the opening ceremony, in which Ralph plays the national anthem on his bass....

I meant his BASS!!

The stadium lights flicker on,

the crowd roars,

.

This year’s Cat Olympics has an unexpected headline: Cal.E.’s kittens are competing—and they’re not here to nap. This event is held in the Astrodome, and to the victors go the spoils. The winners get to eat all the rodents they can catch.

Event 1: The 100-Yard Zoom

At the starter’s bell, the kittens exploded forward in a blur of paws and determination, but one kitten broke away from the pack and won the event in record time. Sixto, you won this event going away. What's your secret to training for this grueling (for a cat) event?

Chasing a red dot across the living room at precisely 2:00 a.m.

Event 2: High Jump (Couch Edition)

The bar rises. The kittens don’t flinch. One launches, twists midair, and lands with the confidence of a cat who has never once apologized for knocking something over.

Bianca, that's two in a row for Team Cal.E. What's your secret to success?

Never having to say you're sorry.

Event 3: Synchronized Purring

‘They’re small, but they compete like they own the place.’ This is the first time in the history of this event for the judges to give a team a perfect score (it is also the first time this event has been included in these proceedings).

The Medal Ceremony

As Ralph plays the Star Spangled Banner on his...stringed instrument,

Cal.E.'s kittens accept their award

These cats are legends.

Unimpressed by their own achievements, the kittens decide their medals are more precious as playthings than as rewards for athletic achievements.

Want more Cal.E. adventures? Stay tuned—rumor has it the next event is the Marathon

of Mischief.

Jodi: Where is everyone? Did I sleep through dinner?