C.: Hi, and welcome to today’s edition of “Cal.E.’s Corner.” Today, we are continuing our conversation with the author/nurse d.c. scot (if he ever comes back from lunch!) Finally, where have you been d.c.?
d.: As I told you earlier, I went to lunch.
C.: That was over one hour ago! What happened?
d.: Well, the Officer’s Dining Room was having a special meal, so I decided to eat that instead of my usual sack lunch. The time it takes the ODR to prepare and serve food is one of the (many) reasons I usually bring my own lunch. Today, though, the food was worth the wait!
C.: Okay, d.c., moving on. I depend on you to keep me abreast of what is going on at The Kennel while I am on a well-deserved sabbatical. What has been happening since my last shift?
d.: Well, yesterday was rough…
C.: What happened?
d.: First, an insulin-dependent diabetic stated that, because security changed the building’s schedule, he would take his insulin when he was through doing what he needed to do.
C.: What was so important that he would miss a medicine that costs $280 per ounce in the free world that may save his life?
d.: He just said he had “things to do.” The other two inmates standing behind him almost fell on the floor laughing at his ridiculous statement. Inmates (basically) have to ask permission to do anything, up to having a bowel movement. IDK what was more important than taking something that may save his life.
In one of my former units, an inmate decided he would take his insulin on his own schedule. He came about once per week. He ended up with a case of Diabetic Keto Acidosis, a life-threatening condition. He was in a coma for seven days. The chaplain called his family because he thought the inmate was going to die.
C.: Did he live?
d.: HE did. He came out of the coma and was fine. He took his insulin when he was scheduled, and lived until he went home. Another inmate was not so lucky. He was in for a capital offense, meaning that it was a crime so horrendous that it did not have a statute of limitations. He had such a low Emotional Quotient (the numbers correspond closely to I.Q. numbers; his E.Q was around ten) that he could not be kept in general population. He had health problems, so he was housed in the infirmary. One of his health problems was type one diabetes. He said that he had taken insulin since he was fourteen, so he did not need anyone to tell him when or how to administer it. He would not listen to the medical professionals trying to help him not pass out from injecting regular insulin into his muscles. That can cause an immediate effect, which can cause the patient to go unconscious. He also refused to take his medicine at times, claiming to have “stroke-like symptoms.”
C.: Was he having a stroke?
d.: I don’t think so. His ECGs were inaccurate because he refused to leave his wheelchair to have them done. When he claimed to be having a stroke, though, he had no problems eating his breakfast!
C.: What happened to him? It sounds like he liked to play games!
d.: He did. He went to a halfway house after he made parole. All the nurses warned him that no one in the free world would care if he took his pills or his insulin. He did not believe us. He called The Kennel one night and said he wanted to return, because no one cared about him at the halfway house. He had been in The Kennel for thirty years, and wanted to come back!
C.: Did he?
d.: No. He died before his six months were up at the halfway house.
C.: Can’t you just treat this inmate that does not want to take his insulin when it is scheduled like the halfway house did this inmate and refuse to give it to him?
d.: If I did, it would reflect poorly on ME! He would claim that I was refusing to give him medicine that may save his life, although on the weekends he chooses to sleep in and skip his morning dose. Cal.E., on my former unit, my partners and I could administer ten times the number of doses I am giving now (each) in the same amount of time. The reason it takes so long is that no one enforces the regulations in place. It is annoying and frustrating…
C.: Speaking of which, did they finally fix your air conditioner that has been broken for six weeks?
d.: No, they did not. We have a temporary unit that is much too small for the area it is covering. According to the technician (an inmate), it just needs one part.
C.: What is taking all the time that the maintenance crew should be spending on that and the broken P.A. system, d.c.?
d.: Installing wireless internet for the inmates so that their new (free) iPads will work for them.
C.: Can you take YOUR phone to work at The Kennel?
d.: No, Cal.E. I cannot. The other nurses and I not only cannot take our phones to work, but we also cannot access our personal emails from our computers anymore.
C.: So, inmates that are in prison for violating a firewall and gathering information from personal and corporate banking accounts will have access to an iPad, but a nurse cannot access his/her personal email?
d.: That is correct.
C.: Will YOU have an iPad and wireless internet, like the inmates? Many medical facilities now use this technology. Nurses usually can access a patient’s chart without needing to return to his or her desk. It is more convenient that way.
d.: No, Cal.E. I do not think that will happen. As I have said many times before, common sense has no place in government!
C.: That’s all the time we have for today, folks. Join us tomorrow, when we try to make sense of The Kennel’s new policies!
Cal.E. Kat
for
Commissioner of MLB
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