d.: Hi, Cal.E. You are looking cheerful for someone who just lost a bet on a basketball game. Especially since the Aggies lost when they missed a last-second shot. That was disappointing!
C: It is okay, d.c. Tom the Tabby gave me a point to get me to bet on Texas A&M. They were the favorite as the only remaining number one seed in the N.I.T. tournament, so no one would bet on them. Tom gave me a point to bet on A&M, so it was a….?
d.: Push?
C.: Yes, that is what Tom said. He said that I could roll what I owed him into my bet on Duke in the final four. Why would I owe him anything, though, if my team lost by one point, and that was the point differential he gave me?
d.: Because the bookie gets ten percent of the money, even if you win the bet. It is the way they stay in business.
C.: How do you know so much about gambling, d.c.? I thought you were against it.
d.: I am, as a rule, but I learned a lot doing research on it for the book I am writing now.
C.: Is it about a VERY good-looking cat who becomes addicted to gambling after kicking the catnip habit?
d.: No, Cal.E. it is not about you. One of the chapters in my book is about the main character and his relationship with his parents. His dad was a drug addict and alcoholic who wins a bet on the game in which his son is playing. He needs the money he bet to pay his delinquent mortgage on his ranch. He does not know that the bookie takes ten percent of the profit, no matter what. He does not have enough money to pay his delinquent mortgage with only ninety percent of his earnings.
C.: So, did he lose the ranch?
d.: No, he is a good poker player, so he gets involved in a high-stakes poker game with some rough characters.
C.: Does he win the poker game?
d.: Yes, but he was not supposed to. I cannot give any more detail without giving away one of the main storylines in the book, though.
C.: Did YOU play in a high-stakes poker game to do your research?
d.: No, but I did play a few hands of poker back in the day. Unlike gambling on sports, one has SOME control over a poker game.
C.: Maybe we should play, then, if it has been a while. You need your memory jogged to write your book, and you could teach ME how to play!
d.: You do NOT want to do that, Cal.E. We are friends, and I still remember how I won extra money when I played poker in college. I know you too well. You have a LOT of tells, like your tail swishing when you are trying to bluff (like it is now), and your voice getting higher when you are lying…
C.: Okay, okay, remind me to NEVER play poker with YOU!
d.: That is a good idea. I do want to ask you, though, how you plan to pay Tom back if Duke does not win?
C.: I have that covered. I will take a page out of your book and write a song about cats! Do you want to hear it? Here it is:
Well I don't know where they come from But they sure do come I hope they comin' for me And I don't know how they do it but they sure do it good I hope they doin' it for free
They give me cat scratch fever Cat scratch fever
The first time that I got it I was just ten years old I got it from some kitty next door I went and see the Dr. and he gave me the cure I think I got it some more
They give me cat scratch fever Cat scratch fever
I got a bad cat scratch fever Cat scratch fever
It's nothin' dangerous I feel no pain I've got to ch-ch-change You know you got it when you're going insane It makes a grown man cryin' crying....'
Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Ted Nugent
Cat Scratch Fever lyrics © Alfred
d.: You need to stop right there, Cal.E. I would not try to release that song.
C.: ???
d.: I don’t think that ripping off Ted Nugent is a good idea! He has more guns than everyone who lives on my street combined!
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