d.: Hi, Cal.E. Why did you text me a picture of you doing the high jump?
C.: That is a picture from my obedience school days. I was one of the best high jumping cats in Texas then. Since it is now spring and I have Tom and “The Tuxedo” chasing me, I wanted to get back to my best form. Do you think you can train me remotely?
d.: I don’t know, Cal.E. I have never trained a cat, or a high jumper. So, obviously, I have never trained a cat to compete in the high jump. What kind of exercises did you do when you were in obedience school to train for this event?
C.: Oh, you know, the usual.
d.: ???
C.: Well, if I remember correctly, my coach would blow his whistle while I was sound asleep. It would startle me so much that I would jump VERY high. He was so impressed by me doing this in his history class, he convinced me to sign up for the track and field team. He would just blow his whistle and startle me, after he put me in the high jumping area while I was sleeping. I would jump over the bar then. I was very good at that. I set a state record for high-jumping cats my junior year.
d.: What happened your senior year?
C.: I sprained my hind leg trying to beat my record. After that, I couldn’t jump as high. I was cut from the track team and had to carry the other cat’s bags to and from track meets.
d.: So, the coach made you his de facto manager?
C.: I suppose that is accurate. Anyway, would you be able to train me to get back in shape?
d.: IDK, Cal.E. For one thing, the technique that your old coach used would be considered animal abuse today. Also, as one ages, his/her ability tends to decline somewhat…
C.: Are you calling me OLD?
d.: Not old, Cal.E. just …more mature. Besides, if I blew a whistle, you may not be as startled as you were as a kitten…
C.: So…now, not only am I “more mature,” I am also deaf?
d.: No, Cal.E. not COMPLETELY deaf. Just, less nervous.
C.: I see. So, whom do you recommend to train me so that I will not get caught and sat on by “The Tuxedo” again?
d.: Well, there are animal trainers…
C.: That use more cruel techniques than my old track coach.
d.: I doubt that. My old track coach said that practice was not over until someone (or everyone) puked or fell out on the ground…
C.: I’m talking about in THIS century, d.c. Not some old-fashioned techniques employed by taskmasters who probably helped invent the wheel!
d.; Is that any way to talk to someone that you want to train you?
C.: I guess not, d.c. Just tell me when we start, and what I need to do.
d.: Okay, Cal.E. Fall asleep. We will start there.
C.: Okay, that’s better. ZZZ
C.: NOW I can concentrate on what I was doing, if I can remember what THAT was.
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